


You Make Loving Fun

by Magnetism_bind



Series: A Reasonable Price [2]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: 80's AU, Adopted Sibling Incest, Adopted Sibling Relationship, Alley Sex, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Blow Jobs, Bucky Barnes Has PTSD, Bucky has a cat, Cock Cages, Come-licking, Comfort, Complicated Relationships, Daddy Kink, Dating, Developing Relationship, Dirty Talk, Dreams, Drinking, Even More Flashbacks, F/M, First Time, Flashbacks, Frottage, Hair Kink, Humiliation, Internalized Homophobia, Lapdance, Light BDSM, Light Bondage, M/M, Marijuana, Masturbation, Multi, Mutual Pining, Nipple Piercings, Nostalgia, Objectification, Obsession, Orgasm Control, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Panic Attacks, Past!Thor was an asshole, Pining, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Punishment, Reminiscing, Rough Sex, Sexual Fantasy, Sexual Roleplay, Strip Tease, Sugar Daddy, Support Groups, Verbal Humiliation, Vietnam War, Voyeurism, friendly ex's, teenage sex, war memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-17
Updated: 2019-09-16
Packaged: 2020-10-16 23:49:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 22,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20611412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Magnetism_bind/pseuds/Magnetism_bind
Summary: Thor and Bucky are officially dating and seeing how that goes. In spite of Bucky's nightmares and ptsd, he's glad to be moving forward with Thor. Even if at the same time he can never really forget Steve.Meanwhile Loki's jealousy and obsession over Thor's new relationship only continues to spiral more and more out of control.





	1. Chapter 1

_~June 1968~_

_“This is the life.”_

_“Mmm.” Bucky rolls over on his stomach to eye the man stretched out beside him. It’s certainly a good sight. Steve’s wearing his faded red swimsuit. It looks good on his tanned skin, and right now he’s tan all over from their days of working out in the sun. Bucky shifts his gaze slightly, up the fine golden hair on Steve’s thighs to the curve of his ass. He buries his sigh in the crook of his arm. _

_“Seriously. The beach, the sun, what more could you want in the summertime?” Steve sighs contentedly._

_“How about a beach where some little brat isn’t kicking sand in your face every few seconds?” Bucky complains. It’s the third time the kid’s done it. Bucky just knows he's doing it on purpose._

_“Oh, come on.” Steve nudges him. “It’s not that bad.”_

_“That little jerk keeps doing it.” Bucky flips the kid off and he runs off howling towards his mom who looks up immediately. _

_Steve sighs. “Time to go.” He jumps up and grabs his towel. “Come on, Buck.” He offers his hand and Bucky reaches for it, pulling himself up._

_They dash in and out amongst the other sunbathers, kids playing with the sandcastles, picnickers sprawled out over blankets with their lemonade and sandwiches, up and over the rise of rocks._

_Bucky’s the first one to realize how far they’ve gone. “Ah, hey, Steve. We should probably head back.” He’s heard about this part of the beach, and they don’t wanna get caught here. _

_“What’s the matter?” Steve looks back at him. _

_Bucky jerks his head towards the beach ahead of them. “C’mon…it’s all men.” He doesn’t want to spell it out and he doesn’t really want to hear Steve’s thoughts on the matter either. _

_“So what?” Steve says easily. “At least some kid won’t be kicking sand in your face.” _

_Bucky shrugs. “When you put it that way.” He follows Steve down to a non-inhabited portion of the beach where they lay out their towels and stretch out. Steve’s right. It’s a lot more peaceful here even if Bucky’s still too tense to relax. He watches a pair of men strolling further down the beach, one of them has his arm around the other’s waist. _

_“Besides.” Steve says with his eyes closed. “If you’re worried about anyone hitting on you, don’t worry. We can always say we’re together.”_

_Bucky jerks his head to look at him, but Steve’s utterly relaxed, lying there on his stomach, his eyes closed. Something tight inside of Bucky starts to unwind. Steve’s not disgusted or scared of queers. That’s good enough for today._

* * *

Bucky jerks awake, heart pounding. The darkness surrounds him, but he can make out the creamy sheets tangled around his sweaty body. Thor’s soundly asleep beside him, snoring away. Bucky sits up and looks around. The dream was so vivid, it brought the day back immediately. He could smell the sunscreen, remembers watching enviously as Steve had rubbed it vigorously into his muscled arms. He also remembers how lying there had become unendurable after a while and he had had to go throw himself into the ocean to cool off and get rid of his hard-on. While he was swimming, a hot brunette man in tiny gold shorts wandered up the beach and started flirting with Steve.

Bucky had ducked under the waves to keep from storming out of the beach and telling Gold Shorts to back the fuck off. Instead he had kept himself perfectly calm and when he came out of the ocean, seawater dripping off him, Steve had taken one look at him and told Gold Shorts he had to go.

Bucky’s hands curl tightly into fists. God, that day had been excruciating but he wouldn’t give up that memory for anything. After he’d gone back to the beach, Steve had tossed his towel at him. “Come on, let’s go get something to eat.”

He takes another look at Thor, who’s still asleep and gets up. He finds his shorts on the floor and pulls them on. Slipping out of the bedroom he goes down to the pool to have a smoke.

The sky is a smoky haze over L.A. Bucky looks out at the lights as he smokes. Running his fingers along his brow, he sighs quietly to himself. Honestly, he doesn’t know what’s worst, the dreams that end in panic attacks or the ones that don’t.

He used to watch Steve sleep everywhere. From his bedroom when they were kids and Steve would sleep over, to the fire escape when it was too hot, to up on the roof so they could wish on the faintest star that probably wasn't even a star, just part of the city smog, to their bunk in training camp, to in their tent when they were finally shipped out. He’s watched Steve sleep a hundred times, he knows the rhythm of Steve’s breath, the settling motion he always makes with his arms when he first drifts off, sliding one arm under his pillow. The softest murmur when he dreams.

He won’t forget those memories, no matter how long it takes. It doesn’t matter to his brain that Steve never got in touch after the war. His brain’s got a permanent hard-on for Steve Rogers.

Bucky sighs. Sometimes he wonders if he’s a dick for sleeping with Thor when he’s still got these feelings, and then he thinks about Steve and how he’s never going to show up…and Thor’s here. Thor’s fun and exciting and sexy as hell, and he loves being with Bucky.

That outta be enough. It would be enough for most people.

He finishes his smoke and goes back inside, and crawls back into bed beside Thor who shifts and lets his arms move so that Bucky can slide right into them.

* * *

It doesn’t stop him from waking in a panic attack again two hours later.

This time the dream is a muddle of blood and dirt, shells exploding and the screams echoing right out of sight. The dead members of his platoon are on the ground as he’s hauled into line with the survivors, hands tied behind his back, blindfolded and shoved back into the dirt as the shouting grows louder in the dark.

Thor’s holding him still, “You’re okay, you’re okay. It’s all right. It’s all right.”

Bucky takes a deep breath and lets it out, trying to control his arms from trembling. Thor strokes his arms. His mouth still tastes like dirt.

“It’s okay.” Thor kisses his hair, still stroking his arm. “You’re safe. You’re here.”

Bucky closes his eyes.

* * *

This time he sleeps through to morning. He still wakes before Thor, but Thor still mumbles when he tries to slip out this time, his hand sliding over Bucky’s thigh.

“Don’t go.”

"I need to. I need to work out." Bucky murmurs. Technically he feels all the sex he's been having lately should count for a workout, but he can't think of how to quantify it. He probably still needs to do leg-day at least.

"Use my gym." Thor mumbles into the pillow, his hand still on Bucky’s thigh, squeezing it.

"What?"

"Gym, end of the hall." Thor says without opening his eyes.

Bucky rolls his eyes. Of course Thor has his own gym. The real question is how has it taken this long for Bucky to find out about it?

* * *

It's a *nice* gym. Bucky stands in the doorway, with his hands on his hips just staring at it. It's fully equipped with state-of-the-art workout equipment. Yeah, Bucky can work with this. This is what he needs. It’ll take himself out of his head at least for a little while.

He does a full workout, and when he's done, covered in sweat, he looks up to see Thor standing nude in the doorway watching him.

"How long you been there?" Bucky grabs a towel to wipe his face. He doesn’t mind Thor watching exactly, but last night has left him feeling antsy. It’s unfair to keep putting Thor through nights like that, even if he says it’s fine.

"A while." Thor answers absently. His eyes linger on Bucky. 

"Enjoying the view?" Bucky asks curtly. Between last night's panic attack, and again how Thor handled it, he just feels uncomfortable. Thor’s handling it so well and it's a little irritating. He’s not supposed to handle this well; Bucky doesn’t know how to take it. Then there’s the matter of the dream before that. He can’t even think about the dream right now.

"It's not bad." Thor murmurs. _This coming from the naked god_, Bucky thinks. Thor’s still gazing at Bucky like he's figuring something out.

"I should go." Bucky tosses the towel down.

"Surely you want to shower first." Thor objects. “I can’t imagine Sam wants to work with you like this.”

“You’d be surprised.” Bucky does want to shower, but he's not sure he wants the conversation that will entail if he stays longer.

"Yeah." he says finally. “I’ll shower.”

Thor simply nods. "I'm gonna make some coffee." He heads off down the hall with Bucky looking after him.

Bucky showers and dries his hair hastily.

Then he goes to the kitchen where Thor has unfortunately pulled on a pair of pajama pants. He’s got the paper spread over the kitchen island while he sips his coffee.

“Coffee?”

“Naw, I’m gonna head out.” Bucky shifts his keys from palm to palm. “See you, okay?”

“See you later.” Thor confirms, walking around the island to lean down to kiss Buck. “Your hair looks cute when it’s damp.” He brushes a damp curl behind Bucky’s ear.

Bucky blushes. How the hell does Thor do that? Turn something around and get him all flustered. “Yeah, well, your butt looks cute when it’s naked.”

Thor raises his eyebrows. “Is that so?”

Bucky rolls his eyes. “You know what I mean.” He heads down the hall.

* * *

“I thought you liked how chill he was with it.” Sam looks at him over the hood.

“I do, but at the same time…how can he be so chill? How? Doesn’t it bother him?” Bucky demands. “Shouldn’t it bother him that I wake up in a cold sweat, freaking out? It would bother me in his place.”

“Would it though?” Nebula asks, from underneath the car. “I mean seriously, you’re one of the chillest dudes I know.”

“She’s right, you are one chill motherfucker.”

“That’s because I do all my screaming at night.” Bucky sighs. “I need a beer.”

“Grab me one.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

* * *

That night they go back to the place where Thor took him on their first date. It’s become a favorite and Bucky always enjoys it. They’re finishing up their meal and are on their third round of drinks when Bucky brings up that first date.

“When you said you remembered me.”

“Yeah.”

Bucky licks the salt from the rim of his margarita, watching Thor follow the motion of his tongue.

“So when you said you wanted to come back. Was it just to thank me?” He’s thought about what it would be like to fuck Thor back in the day, not gonna lie. He fantasized about it before he even met Thor. But now that he has, he can’t help being curious.

“Mhmm.” Thor says. “That and in all likelihood, to try to get you into bed somewhere private.” He takes a large sip of his margarita.

“Private?” Bucky chuckles at that. “Private’s not exactly your style now, is it?”

“You’re correct.” Thor says after a moment. “Especially not back then.” He offers a wry smile. “But there were moments when it suited my purposes, and unfortunately my dalliances with men were one of them.”

“Unfortunately?” Bucky looks at him curiously.

“I’ve always been attracted to men. But back then I treated it as a one-off, every time. A party excuse, a reason for fun, never anything serious, never anything that mattered. I had my reasons, but they weren’t good ones.” Thor studies the drink in his hands.

“Hey.” Bucky says softly. "It’s not like that anymore. I mean, look at us here.” He gestures between them. "You're the one who wanted to date, remember?"

Thor smiles. “A good point.” He takes another sip and sighs.

The mood could easily turn melancholy. Bucky can feel it in the air, and he doesn’t want that. He wants Thor to have a good time

“So, if you had been come back…” Bucky pauses. “What would you have done to get me into bed?”

Thor raises an eyebrow. “Do you really want to play this?”

Bucky shrugs. “I thought you were hot back then too, you know.” He grins. He doesn’t have to tell Thor that. Thor knows he was hot back then. He knows he’s even hotter now. He’s hot period. Hot doesn’t do him justice. He’s on fire and Bucky’s always liked fire.

“Very well.” Thor decides. “But three things. If I’m playing my old self, you must also act as your former self as well. Understood.”

“Okay.” Bucky can do that. He doesn’t want to tell Thor that he was even more reckless himself back then.

“Second, no laughing.”

Just the words make Bucky want to start grinning. “I’m not sure that will be possible.”

“I mean it.” Thor points a finger at him. “And third…” he pauses and then leans in, placing his hands on Bucky’s thighs, leaning in close enough that their mouth are almost touching. “At the end of the night, whatever happens, you’re still coming home with me. Promise?”

There’s a faint shiver running down Bucky’s spine at Thor’s words. What does he think is gonna happen? What does he think Bucky’s gonna think about him? But he nods. “Promise.”

“Good.” Thor stands. “Now, go outside. There’s a bar a little bit down the road. Go inside and order a drink.”

“What?”

“You wanted to see what it would be like I tried to pick you up back then.” Thor grins. “You’re about to find out.”

* * *

Bucky walks down the road enjoying the night air. Once inside he sits down at the bar and orders a drink. After a little while he feels Thor’s presence behind him but doesn’t turn.

“Good evening.”

Bucky’s dick reacts instantly to that tone. It’s velvet, it’s smooth as fuck. It’s sensual, seductive, pure sin. He looks over his shoulder to see Thor standing there smiling down at him. It’s similar to the smile Thor was wearing the first time he came down to Bucky’s dressing room, but different. Leaner, full of power and arrogance, exuding pure and utter lust from his beard to his hair, which he’s loosed. Bucky likes Thor’s hair pulled back, but now, seeing it in all its free glory, he knows he has no chance. To be honest, he would have gone with Thor back then as well.

“May I join you?”

“Ah sure.” Bucky gestures at the seat beside him.

Thor slides onto it, somehow brushing his hand over Bucky’s arm and thigh all at once. His knee nudges Bucky’s knee as he settles upon the seat, and he doesn’t move it away.

“You here alone?”

“Does it matter?” Bucky counters.

Thor merely laughs. “I’d hate for someone else to be disappointed tonight.” He gestures for the bartender and when the man comes over he orders two shots of tequila. He nudges one over to Bucky.

“And why would that happen?”

Thor leans in close, his lips brushing Bucky’s ear. “Because tonight I intend to fuck you.” He leans back, his knee sliding further between Bucky’s thighs in a purposeful fashion.

“Is that so?”

Thor nods. “So do your shot and follow me.” He slings his shot back and stands.

Bucky downs his shot and follows Thor out into the alley behind the club where he turns and looks at Bucky.

“So now what?”

“Now you get to suck my cock.” Thor says. “You know you want to.” He smirks at Bucky. “Go on, get on your knees.”

Half of Bucky wants to laugh. Did this really work? But the sheer magnetism, the force of Thor’s casual, insolent command does work, for no other reason than he can do it and expect people to obey.

Bucky kneels.

“Get my dick out.”

Bucky reaches for his zipper, drawing it down and reaching into Thor’s briefs. He waits.

“What are you waiting for? Suck it.”

Thor’s hand rests on his head and normally Bucky hates when someone does that, a reminder that he’s on his knees. But the manner in which Thor does it is masterful, firm, it works too. He leans in, mouthing at Thor’s dick, and Thor’s fingers curl through his hair.

“That’s a good boy.”

Bucky leans in closer, ignoring the heat flooding him at Thor’s words as he takes him all the way down. He’s lost in the rhythm of it when Thor abruptly curls his fingers through his hair and pulls him off.

“What?” Bucky looks up at him.

“I told you I wanted to fuck you.” Thor merely tugs and Bucky follows, rising to his feet.

“Face the fence, put your hands up on it.”

Bucky does, looking over his shoulder. Thor leans in closer, reaching around Bucky’s waist to pull his zipper down. He sticks his hand down Bucky’s pants. Bucky bites back a groan as Thor strokes him completely from base to tip. All the while Thor’s kissing his neck, pressing his own dick into the crease of Bucky’s ass, just rubbing against him.

“You like that.”

_What kinda question is that?_ “Yes.”

“You want it. Want me to fuck you?”

“Yes.” Bucky breathes. Didn’t they already establish this??

“Show me.” Thor’s teeth graze his neck, sending a pulse of heat racing through Bucky’s ribcage. “Show me how you want me to fuck you.”

He’s still stroking Bucky and it’s so easy, being caught in this primal rhythm, pushing his dick towards Thor’s hand, pressing back against his cock, begging him with his body. “Fuck me.”

“More.” Thor nips his neck.

Bucky rubs his ass against his ass, sliding Thor’s erect cock between his begging cheeks. “Please, I need.”

“Please?” Thor murmurs, “What a polite little fuckhole you are.”

The words hit Bucky hard. He stops moving.

“That’s all you are, aren’t you? Just a hole for me to put my dick into.” Thor’s teeth press into a patch of sensitized skin on Bucky’s neck, as his nails scrape the soft underside of Bucky’s cock, his other hand sliding up underneath Bucky’s shirt to press against his belly. “Well?”

“I…” Bucky’s so hard. But even in playacting, it’s hard for him to submit to being reduced to this. The thing is, he might not mind, having his Thor fuck him like this. But this Thor? Where does he get off calling him that? At the same time…he thinks about what Thor said. _You must also act as your former self as well. _And while former Bucky would have been insulted as fuck, he also would have been just as turned on.

Ah what the hell.

“Yes.” He murmurs.

“Good.” Thor bites at his neck, almost affectionately. “Now say it. Say you’re my good little fuckhole.”

Embarrassment, shame, anger, - all these heated emotions sweep through Bucky, but the one winning out is lust. “I’m your good little fuckhole.”

“This.” Thor’s hand slides down the cleft to stroke his hole playfully, pressing his fingertips against Bucky’s rim, teasing his pucker. “Is meant for my dick and nobody else’s.”

“Yes.”

“Good.” Thor turns his head and kisses Bucky full on the mouth, a deep sensuous kiss, that leaves Bucky’s senses reeling even as he’s dimly aware of Thor inserting two fingers inside him, stretching him. Bucky no longer even questions where he gets lube from, he’s just grateful for it.

Thor keeps fingerfucking him the whole while, jerking his cock like a little spring toy, and Bucky groans, caught between the two motions, sweating and hungry for it, dick trying to get more friction, ass needing more than Thor’s teasing fingers. It feels like it goes on forever, like he’s never going to get anything more than this and he will be forever suspended between these desires.

“Now.” Thor says at long last. “Now I’ll fuck you.”

“Finally.” Bucky mutters.

Thor’s grip tightens on his dick. “What was that?”

“Nothing.”

“You think I should take longer? What a good suggestion.”

Bucky stifles his groan of frustration. Thor adds a third finger, moving them even more lazily if that’s possible, while sliding his down to the base of Bucky’s dick and just holding him.

“Please.” Bucky moans. “Please fuck me.” He feels encased by heat, his whole body aching for Thor to fill him.

“You’d think a greedy little hole like one would know how to keep its mouth shut.” Thor says conversationally.

“I will, I will.” Bucky babbles.

“Mmm.” Thor bites his earlobe and Bucky nearly sobs. “we’ll see.” He keeps stroking deeper and then finally he pulls them out.

Bucky wisely holds back from saying anything then. He holds his breath waiting impatiently and then finally, oh fucking finally, the tip of Thor’s dick rubs against his hole and then slides in like fucking butter. Thor gives his dick a little squeeze.

“Like this, do you?”

“Yes, fucking yes.” Bucky’s fervent in his agreement.

“Good.” Thor says, then puts his hands on Bucky’s hips, positioning him and then starts seriously fucking.

Bucky yelps loudly, and Thor growls at him to hold his noise so he bites down hard, bracing himself against the fence for all he’s worth. It’s like being fucked by a jackhammer. He had no idea that Thor, sweet, considerate, rough and sexy Thor was capable of this much power in his dick alone. He’s going to fucking feel this tomorrow. Bucky can hardly think as Thor fucks him in a thrusting frenzy.

And then, just like that, it’s done, Thor finishes in him with an obscene groan and pulls out.

“Turn around.”

Bucky does, awkwardly, his dick protruding from his jeans like an overripe banana. Thor finishes tidying himself away and glances at him.

“Ah.” He places one hand on the fence above Bucky, and leans in, as though he’s going to ask Bucky for a smoke. He wraps his other hand around Bucky’s aching dick, just holding him there, with his large broad hand.

“Come for me.”

Bucky stares at him. There’s no way this actually works, but whether it’s because he’s sensitized, too aroused, too anything, his cock gives a little pulse and promptly shoots across Thor’s palm.

Thor grins at him. “I like them when they’re prompt.” He gives Bucky a little tug, and lifts his hand to his mouth, licking it.

Bucky stares harder, at him dumbfounded. He feels like he ends up doing this a lot with Thor lately.

Thor finishes licking the come from his hand and then glances at Bucky almost sheepishly.

“So…it probably would have gone something like that.”

“Wow.” Bucky murmurs. “Just…what.” He runs his hands through his hair, and then reaches down to pull his pants. “…the hell was that?”

“Yeah,” Thor sighs. “I was an asshole back then.”

He said it, not Bucky. But all the same Bucky finds himself almost wanting to defend past Thor, while he reassures present Thor. “Well. Yeah.”

“It’s okay.” Thor says ruefully. “I know it.” He nods at the bar. “Another drink?”

“Yeah, I could use another one after that.” He glances at Thor as they head back in.

“That’s really what you were like?” It’s weird, this wouldn’t surprise Bucky if Thor had acted like this when they met at the club, but now, after he’s gotten to know Thor, after they’ve been together…now he finds it hard to believe.

“Yep.” Thor orders a fresh round of drinks and they sit.

Bucky winces slightly.

Thor looks at him concernedly. “Did I hurt you?”

“No…just a memorable fuck for this little hole.”

Thor groans. “Don’t. You said you wondered what it would have been like.”

Bucky just grins at him. “You licked my come.”

“Unbelievable.” Thor shakes his head. “It’s like you wanted to be fucked by a dick.”

“Like I said, it was memorable.” Bucky takes a gulp of his beer. “Alright, Mr Champion of the world, now we’re heading home so I can suck that big dick of yours in bed where it belongs.”

“Anything you say.” Thor tosses down a bill.

* * *

It’s still rare that Bucky sleeps over. This time he does stay till morning and for once without any incidents. He always wakes before Thor does and being thirsty, he wanders nude down the hall to find something to drink in the kitchen.

The porch doors are open, letting the morning breeze in. The sun is already bright. He opens the fridge and bends over to grab the orange juice.

“Morning.”

Bucky spins, clutching the orange juice. A very attractive brunette is perched on the stool by the island, drinking coffee. She smiles at him.

“Hi.” Bucky says. He debates putting the orange juice in front of his junk or back in the fridge, and settles for just holding it awkwardly. His junk will have to take care of itself. Besides, if she’s in Thor’s home, she’s seen it all before.

“I’m Jane.” She says by way of explanation. Not that that clears up anything. This isn't Tarzan. Though now that Bucky's thought about it, Thor would make an excellent king of jungle. 

“Bucky.” He hesitates and then leans across the island to shake her hand.

“Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise.” Bucky hefts the orange juice from hand to hand and finally starts to grab a glass to pour some.

Jane surveys him thoughtfully over the coffee.

“Any more of that?” Bucky asks at last.

“Yeah.” She nods to the pot.

As an afterthought she adds. “I presume he paid you last night because you should know, waking him up in the morning is harder than it has any right to be.“

It takes Bucky a moment to process this. “Oh, I’m not a hooker.” He wonders if he should be insulted, or feel complimented that someone would actually pay to sleep with him. He decides on complimented.

“Oh.” It’s Jane’s turn to look surprised and then weirdly, in Bucky’s opinion, she starts to look rather pleased. “Really.”

“Really.” Bucky assures her as he pours himself both a glass of orange juice and a cup of coffee. He has the feeling he’s going to need it.

“So you two are…” She lets it dangle, waiting for him to fill in the blank.

“Well,” Bucky says at last, “I’d say we’re fucking when we feel like it.” It’s not enough of a description, but they still haven’t settled on a term, not really.

“And Thor?”

“I think he’s calling it dating.” Bucky takes a sip of orange juice.

Jane laughs. “Really?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s wonderful.” Jane says.

“Really?” Bucky looks at her skeptically.

“No, seriously, you have no idea.” She gets up to get more coffee. “As Thor’s ex, honestly, it’s really great to hear he’s dating again.”

“Whooooa there.” Bucky manages not to spit his coffee back into his cup. “You’re his ex?”

“Who’s my ex?” Thor murmurs sleepily from the doorway.

“Me.” Jane says, giving him a little wave.

“Oh, right.” Thor nods. “She is.”

“Right.” Bucky looks at both of them. He can see it, honestly. The coffee churns queasily in his stomach. “I’ve gotta get to work.”

“Dressed like that?” Thor asks doubtfully.

Bucky glances down and grimaces. “I gotta get dressed and then get to work.”

“Don’t leave on my account.” Jane says quickly.

Bucky gives her a slight smile. “Don’t worry, I’m not.”

He goes back to the bedroom and dresses in two seconds flat. The sooner he’s out of this situation the better. When he comes back Thor and Jane are seated side by side at the island, drinking coffee together.

“Alright, I’m heading out now.” Bucky pauses for a split second before leaning over to kiss Thor. “See you.” He can feel Jane watching them speculatively.

“I’ll call you later.” Thor calls him.

Bucky nods and heads for the door. He manages not to sprint down the driveway where he left his bike, but it’s difficult.

* * *

Thor and Jane watch him go. The door closes before Jane finally breaks the silence.

“You didn’t tell me you were seeing anybody.” There’s the slightest hint of reproach in her voice, which is admittedly fair. They do, after all, still tell each other things, or would, if there had been anything to tell before now, which there wasn’t. And now it looks like he’s been hiding Bucky when it’s the furthest thing from Thor’s mind.

Thor gets up to pour himself more coffee. “I wasn’t to begin with anyway. It started as a casual thing.”

Jane raises any eyebrow. “Hokay, so spill. Clearly it’s no longer that. He’s walking around naked in your home. Totally worth coming over for, by the way.”

Thor grins. “He is cute, isn’t he?”

“That is one word to describe him, yes.” Jane says dryly, “So go on. Tell me.”

“I assumed it would be just a one night stand.” He fills Jane in on how they met and long it took Bucky to go out with him.

“At least you know he’s not after your money.” She points out.

“No, he’s definitely not into it. If anything, it’s a deterrent.” Thor sighs. They still argue from time to time about Thor spending money on stuff. Frankly he thought Bucky would be over it by now.

Jane sets her cup down. “That reminds me, I came to get you to come shopping with me.”

“Why would I do that again?”

“Well, first off because it’s fun, and secondly, because I’ve seen the look on Bucky’s face before. He thinks now the ex is back and you’re going to dump him like a hot potato and go back to being domestic and heterosexual.”

“I don’t believe we were ever either of those things.”

“Yeah, but Bucky doesn’t know that does?” Jane points out.

Thor sighs. It’s a good point. “All right, we can go shopping.”

* * *

“She just shows up, man. I know how this goes. Does it even matter? I mean we’re not really together together.”

“Hold up, what’s that supposed to mean.”

“You know what it means.” Bucky chews on his lower lip. To be honest, he’s not even sure he knows what he means. The restless feeling won’t go away. He rubs at his tattoo, wishing…

Sam’s just giving him a look.

“What?”

“You know I'm happy to listen, man, but you also know where you can go if you need to.” Is all Sam says, and it’s a quiet reminder, not an I-told-you-so.

Bucky sighs, and nods.

* * *

“Here.” Jane flings a pair of booty shorts at him. “Try these on.”

“What exactly am I going for here?” Thor asks as he goes into the dressing room. Not that he doesn't see the appeal of the shorts, he definitely does.

“You’re going to show him that there’s nothing to worry about, and you’re definitely not getting back together with your ex-girlfriend.” Jane taps her foot. “Come on.”

Thor opens the dressing room door. “What do you think?”

“I think I’d forgive you in those.”

Thor smirks. “I’ll take them.” They're only fitting considering where he and Bucky first met after all.

* * *

Sam’s right of course. It’s been too long since he’s gone to one of these. Bucky grabs a cup of coffee and slides into a chair. The redheaded woman across the circle gives him a faint nod. He returns it. They’ve seen each other at meetings before.

He doesn’t plan it, just sips his coffee and listens as the familiar stories surround him. “I have trouble sleeping.” “My kids think I see the boogeyman. I can’t tell them what I do see.” “I can’t drive anymore because all the traffic noises.”

When it comes to him, he keeps his eyes on his coffee cup. “I’ve been seeing someone lately. They’re good. Solid, you know? I think it could be good. But I still have panic attacks, and they’re calm…and for some reason I can’t trust that. Like how they are supposed to know how to handle me, when I don’t know how to handle me?”

Afterwards he gets more coffee and wanders outside. The redhead, Nat, he remembers her name, joins him.

“Hey.”

“Hey.” Bucky takes a sip of coffee.

“Sounds to me like you wanna let this guy in, but you’re scared.” Nat says quietly and Bucky gives her a quick look. He’d been careful in there, he knows not everybody is okay with the queer thing, even fellow vets. But there’s no judgement on her face, nothing at all, except slightly pursed lips at the taste of the coffee.

“That easy to tell, huh?”

Nat shrugs. “I’m just good at knowing when someone’s not telling the whole story.” She pauses. “He sounds like a good guy. Maybe you should let him take care of you for a while.”

“Sounds nice, but not so easy to do.” Bucky sighs.

“You’re telling me.” Nat smiles wryly. “I keep telling my buddy he needs to come back here, but he says he needs to work some stuff out before he shares it.”

“Yeah, I been there.” Bucky tosses the rest of his coffee and looks at her. “Thanks.”

“Anytime.” She gives him a little salute and strolls back inside.

* * *

Bucky goes back to work, but he’s barely been there two minutes before he calls Thor. It goes to his answering machine, and maybe that’s easier. Bucky breathes out, and in, telling himself he can do this, he wants to do this, and then he just starts talking.

“Hey, I just wanted to call and say…I really appreciate how cool you’ve been with everything. I know it’s not always easy. And I really do appreciate it. And um, if you wanna stay over at my place tonight…” Bucky shuffles his feet. “That’d be cool. If you want. No pressure.”

There’s the undeniable click of the phone being picked up.

“Of course, I’d like that.” Thor sounds out of breath.

Bucky rolls his eyes. “Were you just listening to me the whole time?”

“No, I was swimming and came in just in time to hear the end. What time shall I come over?”

“Ah…eight?”

“Sounds good. See you then.” Thor sounds incredibly cheerful as he hangs up and Bucky gets the feeling he’s made the right call somehow.

* * *

Loki lolls back in his seat. Idly his fingers toy with the ring in his right nipple. The rings had been an impetuous decision three months ago. He'd wanted something on his body that Thor had never touched. A tattoo was tempting but Barnes had tattoos.

Barnes... The man Thor has brought into his life. The man spending nearly every night in Thor’s bed. The man Thor allowed to fuck him. The tic in Loki's jaw intensifies. He still can’t believe that Thor had done that. 

It had been the first week after the cameras were installed. Loki was still getting used to this new view into Thor's life. He had made a cup of coffee and brought it out to his array of computers, only to be arrested by the sight of Barnes kneeling between Thor's sprawled legs. Loki had stared at them incredulously. Was this the first time? Had he missed it? The lump in his throat was too much, he could barely swallow as he watched Barnes moving between his brother's legs, hips pumping away. And Thor letting him! Clearly wanting it, clearly enjoying it. That was the part that had struck Loki, had stayed with him long after they had finished and Barnes had pulled out. He'd tied off the condom and tossed it in the trash before turning back to Thor. Thor reaching for him and kissing him, pulling him closer.

Loki twists the ring tightly, exhaling as he does. Up to this point he had foolishly assumed that Thor was too macho to let himself be fucked, that he would always be the one to fuck, and never the other. And now he learns that's not the case. Who was the first there? Loki wonders. It's unfair that he has no knowledge of this, but Thor knows perfectly well who was the first man for Loki.

After all, it was Thor.

Loki continues playing with the ring, but it's not enough. 

He doesn’t have time to indulge himself right now. He has a meeting to go to this evening. It will have to wait. It’s just as well. There’s no sign of Thor at the mansion.

He’s buttoning up his coat when his telephone rings. Loki glances at it, and pauses when he sees the caller, but to be honest he doesn’t have time for his mother either. Besides he already knows how the message goes.

_“Loki, it’s been too long. I know it’s early. I hope I didn’t wake you. The weather here is lovely, though I know you’re enjoying the LA sun. I hope you and Thor are getting in touch. Now that you’re in the same city again, please try to get along at least. I miss you, dear heart. As always…”_

* * *

“Well, come in." Bucky doesn't mean to sound ungracious, but he knows his place is small and clearly nowhere near the level of luxury that Thor is used to. But Thor had insisted that he's fine with it even though he’s only been here once and he didn’t even time to really look around then, that’s how fast they wound up in bed. Not that Bucky’s complaining about that, but now that Thor has a chance to actually see the place, surely he’ll get that he and Bucky don’t really live in the same hemisphere.

“We don’t have to stay if you don’t want.” Bucky says after a moment.

"If you are more comfortable in your own space, and you do have your cat here, after all, I am happy to spend the night with you here." Thor tells him.

"You say that now." Bucky mutters humorlessly.

"I do." Thor says finally. "This is nice."

"But." Bucky crosses his arms, waiting.

"Small." Thor adds with a grin. "I can admit it’s small, especially since.” He gestures ruefully at himself. “It is nice though. I like it."

He seems utterly sincere so Bucky relaxes finally. 

"Mrow." 

"Hello there." Thor crouches down to greet the small golden cat who's emerged to inspect his boots. He offers his hand slowly for the cat to sniff. "What's its name?" Thor asks, smiling at the cat. 

"Stevie."

Thor glances at him, but says nothing. He can put two and two together. Bucky doesn't have to spell it out for him.

"Coffee? Want a beer?"

"A beer, thank you." Thor glances around and then back down at the cat still investigating him. The previous time Stevie hadn’t come out to meet him. Today he's evidently decided that Thor is trustworthy because he brushes against Thor's legs with a loud purr.

Bucky raises an eyebrow. "Really?" He addresses the cat who just purrs again, rubbing his face against Thor's boot.

Thor strokes his back and Stevie arches in satisfaction. Bucky just watches this happen in disbelief. 

"It takes him forever to trust people." he says finally. 

"Well, he seems to like me." Thor announces. He reaches for Stevie and the cat allows himself to be picked up as Thor straightens up, holding him in his arms.

"Unbelievable." Bucky laughs. "Guess you were worth bringing home."

"I'm glad you think so." Thor smirks up at him. He leans down to kiss Bucky. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"Welcoming me into your home, having me in your life." Thor murmurs. He doesn't take it lightly and he wants Bucky to know that.

"You're welcome." Bucky says at last. "Come on, let me get that beer."

* * *

He gets them both a beer and Stevie sniffs Thor’s bottle before mewing to be let down. He jumps up into the window before starting to give himself a bath.

Thor glances around the apartment again. “This is a bit smaller than where I planned to do this but…” He looks around the room like he’s looking for something.

“Planned to do what?” Bucky asks, slightly nervous now. What the heck could Thor have planned, and why?

“Don’t worry.” Thor admonishes. “It’s nice, you’ll like it. Do you have a tape player?”

“Ye…es?” Bucky points to the shelf in the corner.

Thor goes over to it, takes a tape from his pocket and pops it in. He glances over his shoulder. “Take a seat.”

Bucky does, still wondering what the hell is going on. He sits at the chair at his desk and takes a sip of beer. Thor hits play on the tap player and waits.

The music kicks in and Thor spins around. Bucky’s eyes widen as he starts gyrating across the floor. Considering the size of Bucky’s living room compared with the size of Thor, this doesn’t take long before he’s right in front of Bucky. Thor does an incredible shimmy and reaches for the first button of his shirt.

“Is it my birthday or something?” Bucky finally asks. “Not that I’m complaining but…”

Thor slides his shirt off and tosses it on the desk. “Nope.”

“So this is just for the pure hell of it?” Bucky grins at him, bemused.

Thor shrugs. He reaches for his belt and pulls it free. “You look like a rule breaker.”

Bucky shrugs modestly.

“Now the rules here.” Thor does another little shimmy. “Are no touching. Are you following me?”

Bucky nods.

“Put your hands behind your back, through the chair slats.”

Bucky does and Thor loops his belt around them, drawing them tight. He spins the chair back around, and runs his hands down Bucky’s thighs. “Now…what do we have here?” He cocks his head as he grins at Bucky’s crotch.

“I just can’t help myself.” Bucky murmurs innocently. “It’s been over a year since I’ve had sex and just the sight of you turns me on.”

“A year?” Thor mutters.

“I’m pretty sure I’d get an immediate hard on if I hadn’t had sex in a year.” Bucky mutters back.

Thor just smirks. “We had sex last night and you’re still already hard for me.” He brushes his knuckles playfully over the growing bulge in Bucky’s jeans.

“Yeah, so what?”

“So.” Thor leans down to pull his shirt up so he can press a kiss to Bucky’s taut stomach. “I’m gonna take care of this for you.”

He pulls back and reaches for the zipper on his jeans, drawing them down. Bucky can’t help chuckling at the first glimpse of the pattern on his shorts.

“Like the underwear.”

Thor gets his jeans all the way off, kicking his shoes off in the process. He stands there, hands on his hips. “I thought you might.” And then he spins slowly and Bucky draws a sharp breath.

They’re not just briefs, they’re fucking booty shorts in black and white racing car flag pattern, shorts that cling to Thor’s ass just right, showing off the luscious curve of his posterior. They cling in the front too, his package perfectly showcased. Bucky just sighs. There really are just some perfect bodies in the world and Thor possesses one of the best.

Thor starts dancing again, just teasing Bucky with being close but not too close. He finally comes close enough to turn and grind his ass against Bucky’s crotch.

“Feel like I should be allowed to touch at this point.” Bucky complains.

“Not yet.” Thor tells him. He turns around and sinks gracefully to his knees, pushing Bucky’s knees wide apart.

He reaches for Bucky’s zipper, reaching in and drawing him out. “My, my.” Thor murmurs, his breath brushing playfully over Bucky’s aroused dick. “What do we have here?” He runs his forefinger down the length of Bucky’s cock, right to the tip where he brushes it over the slit.

Then he grins at Bucky and lowers his head.

Bucky lets out a low groan of frustration as Thor licks all around the head, and underneath, tracing the thick vein there, and then back up. Each curl of his tongue sends a rush of pleasure through Bucky’s cock. He keeps expecting Thor to start really going for it, and all he does is select a new spot and begin torturing him all over.

“Thor, please.”

“Please. I like the sound of that.” Thor licks around the head again, just. Barely teasing the slit with the tip of his tongue… “I suppose you’d like to come.” He purrs the last word and Bucky just about comes just from that.

“Yes. Please.”

“Mm.” Thor licks the head again. Finally, at long last, he takes Bucky in his mouth.

“Oh god.” Bucky tries to hold back from bucking up into the wet heat of Thor’s mouth, but it’s so damn hard. He’s panting now as Thor draws off and then takes him down again. Slowly, slowly, fucking Bucky’s dick with his mouth and throat, until Bucky can’t take it anymore.

“I’m gonna.” He gasps.

Thor makes a murmur of approval or understanding. Either way he doesn’t pull off, so Bucky’s hips shudder and twitch and he shoots down Thor’s throat with a groan.

* * *

Afterwards they strip down to their jeans and stretch out on Bucky’s bed. He gets out his weed and they share the joint, lying next to each other. He doesn't smoke all the time, just occasionally. Tonight it's comfortable enough that Bucky starts talking.

“I don’t want you to think I don’t like being at your place.”

“I know that,” Thor looks at him in surprise. “It’s all right, truly.”

“I know.” Bucky runs a hand through. “I just…anyway.” He shrugs, taking the joint back from Thor.

“How is it during the day?” Thor asks quietly.

"Fine for the most part. Though Sam helps." Bucky answers finally. "Just being around him after the hospital helped me calm down. He's just really chill. Being around him is grounding." They both survived. They made it. They're here.

"He seems like a good friend."

"He's the best." Bucky leans back against the wall. "To be honest, I don't know what I'd done without Sam. Probably still be in Europe."

"You said he called you and asked if you wanted in. But how did you meet?"

"We met in the hospital I was in after I was released." Bucky says quietly. "He was recovering from a crashed helicopter landing. We were side by side in the same ward for nearly nine months. Started out hating each other." He grins. "That stopped once Sam realized I wasn't interested in the same nurse he was into."

"I see." Thor strokes his shoulder. "So you stayed in touch afterwards."

Bucky leans into the touch without realizing it. The weight of Thor's arm around his shoulder is comfortable, comforting, nice. He likes it. "Yeah, just a postcard now and then, but it was good having someone who cared what happened to me. He also got me into a support group when I needed it."

"A good friend indeed." Thor kisses the top of his head.

"Yeah, that's Sam." Bucky flexes his palm over Thor's ribs, feeling the warmth of his skin. "This is nice." He says quietly, wanting Thor to know he appreciates it.

"I like looking after you." Thor drops another kiss to his hair.

The thing is, it's not patronizing coming from Thor. He means it. Bucky just buries his face in Thor's chest. He doesn't have any more words tonight.


	2. Chapter 2

  
  


_~July 1986 ~ _

A sweet little yellow bug pulls into the lot of the garage. Bucky glances out the window at it and then straightens up, banging his head on the hood of the car.

  
“_Fuck.”_  
  
"What is it?" Sam follows his gaze. "Wow."  
  
"No, no wow." Bucky says. "That's trouble probably. Maybe?” He still isn’t sure about Jane to be honest. He rubs the sore spot on his head, wincing.  
  
"How can you tell that from here? Looks wow to me."  
  
"That just so happens to be Thor's ex." Bucky says. He wipes his hands on a towel, girds his loins so to speak and heads out there. Why in hell is she here? Is she intending to read him the riot act? Tell him to stay away from her man? 'Ma'am, he came onto me.' he thinks about saying, and then decides it isn't worth it. If Thor wants to be with a woman, then let him be with a woman. It’s no skin off his nose, if that’s the case.  
  
"Hey." He approaches the car cautiously, like it might explode. "Jane, right?"  
  
"Yep." She smiles brightly. "I guess you're wondering what I'm doing here?"  
  
Bucky forces a smile. "A little bit, yes." He reminds himself that it was her idea that Thor get those booty shorts. A fact Thor had shared with him the morning after. Clearly, she can’t really be against Thor moving on, right?  
  
"I wanted to talk to you. Is there somewhere close we could go for a coffee or a drink?"  
  
"Ahh." Bucky hesitates. "Yeah. The diner on the corner.” He nods across the street.   
  
"Perfect." She reaches for her keys. "Is it okay if I leave my car here?"  
  
"Ah, sure." Bucky says. "Let me just tell my partner." He jerks his thumb over his shoulder towards inside and she gives him a nod.  
  
He lopes back inside and looks around for Sam.  
  
"Well," Sam appears. "Is she trouble or wow?"  
  
"She wants to get coffee and talk to me about something." Bucky says glumly. "Am I being broken up with by his ex? Is this happening?"  
  
"Guess you won't know until you go." Sam pats him comfortingly on the shoulder.  
  
Bucky sighs and goes back out. Jane is standing there looking around, clasping a black pocketbook. In her little white summer dress and matching heels, her wave of curls and petite stature, it's hard not to think about how perfect she and Thor would look together. Bucky finds himself hunching and tries to snap out of it.  
  
Jane smiles at him as they start walking. "So you run the shop with your partner?" She casts a curious look back at Sam who gives her a wave.  
  
"Yeah, my buddy, Sam." Bucky shoves his hands in his pockets. "Uh, business partner, not partner partner." He winces.  
  
She just nods.   
  
"Uh." Bucky says and then nothing comes to mind. Fuck, what is he even doing?   
  
They get inside and find a booth. The waitress comes over and they order coffee. And then they're left with the silence.  
  
"Okay so July 21th is the big day. We’ve got most of the details down, and the guest list is sorted out.”  
  
“Big day?” Bucky repeats blankly. Now he has absolutely no idea what is happening. Do people plan breakups this much?  
  
“Yeah.” She looks at him. “Oh fuck, Darcy didn’t tell you?”  
  
“Tell me what?”  
  
“We’re planning a surprise birthday party for Thor.” She explains. “What did you think I wanted to talk to you about?”  
  
“Honestly I hadn’t the faintest idea.” Bucky lies through his teeth.  
  
Jane just looks at him. “Did you think I was going to talk to you about Thor?”  
  
“Maybe.” Bucky confesses, ruefully.  
  
“Well, I’m sorry to have worried you.” She pauses. “Thor and I are friends, and we’re definitely still in each other’s lives but we’re not in love anymore.”  
  
There’s something sweetly melancholy yet matter-of-fact about the way she says this. Bucky gazes at her. “But you were.”  
  
“Of course.” She brushes her hair back and reaches for her coffee. “It’s rather impossible not to fall in love with him.”  
  
Bucky grins. “Yeah.” He takes a sip of his own coffee. Now that he knows what they’re talking about and it’s not going to be a confrontation, he can calm down.  
  
“So surprise birthday party?”  
  
“Yep. What we need from you is to take him out to dinner somewhere that evening and then come back early. Darcy and I will handle the rest. Can you manage that?”  
  
“Just tell me when you want him home and I’ll have him there.” Bucky promises.  
  
“Deal.” She holds out her hand and they shake across the table.  
  


* * *

  
  
"What can you get a guy who has everything?" He wants to do something for Thor, just to show he appreciates the way he handles his nightmares, something he doesn't have to do by any means.

“Actually.” Bucky hesitates, “I have an idea.” The picture of Thor on the front of the magazine on the corner table is staring him right in the face. Why didn’t he think of it before?

There’s a closet in the office where he stored a lot of stuff back in the day. He goes through one box without much luck, but in the second one he finds exactly what he’s looking for.

“Jackpot.” Bucky says softly to himself.

* * *  


  
  
“Shall we order another round?” Thor glances towards the bar.  
  
“Actually.” Bucky leans in, pressing his hand against Thor’s crotch under the table. “…do you mind if we skip dessert and head home?”  
  
Thor raises an eyebrow. “Just like that?”  
  
Bucky shrugs. “Unless you don’t feel like fucking.” He says it extremely casually, while he finishes his drink.  
  
“I always feel like fucking.” Thor murmurs. He leans across the table, pressing against Bucky’s hand. “I especially always feel like fucking you.”  
  
Bucky rubs his fingertips along the growing length inside Thor’s trousers. “Then let’s get the check and go.”  
  
He doesn’t tease Thor in the car, because it doesn’t seem like a nice thing to do to get him all aroused and then drop a party on him. Well, he doesn’t tease him, much.  
  
“Mm, come here.” Thor reaches for him as they get out of the car. They kiss their way up the walk and Bucky only just manages to pull away when they reach the door.  
  
Thor looks back at him as he pushes the door open. “Can’t wait to get you naked.” He announces.  
  
“Well, that would make the party livelier.” A dry voice announces.  
  
Thor’s head whips around as everyone waiting in the living room shouts “Surprise!” He looks back at Bucky who shrugs. “You sneaky little shit.”  
  
“Hey, it wasn’t my idea. It was all Jane and Darcy.”  
  
“Of course it was.” Thor just grins and kisses him before being drawn into the waiting horde.  
  
Bucky barely has time to take a breath before Thor reaches back for him, taking him by the hand and pulling him into party. He’s introduced to Thor’s friends right and left. Some of them he recognizes from the racing days. He only finds himself tongue-tied when he meets Carol Danvers and Val, but come on. Anyone would be tongue-tied when faced with living racing legends.  
  
Val gives him a wink when he tries to say something, and fails. “S’okay.” She puts an arm around him. “We’re gonna find some more shots.”  
  
“Shots!” Carol responds enthusiastically before leaning over to kiss her. “Hurry back, we have that arm wrestling contest with Volstagg.”  
  
“Wouldn’t miss it.” Val says, tugging Bucky along with her. “Come on.”  
  
He follows her over to the bar, still a little dazed by the noise around them. The speakers are blasting ‘Call Me’ and someone’s started a dance session in the middle of the living room.  
  
“Here.” Val hands him a shot. “You look like you could use this.”  
  
“Thanks.” He downs it in on go, and she raises her eyebrows. “Parties aren’t really my thing.”  
  
“Never woulda guessed.” She hands him another one. “Want some advice?”  
  
“Sure.”  
  
“Make the rounds a few times, don’t bother trying to remember everyone’s names, it’s okay. And then find somewhere quiet.” She pats his shoulder. “Thor’s the kind of person who can keep a party going all night. It can be a lot.”  
  
“I can-“ Bucky starts defensively, and then he gives up and just mutters, “Thanks.”  
  
Val gives him a smile. “It’s okay.” She nods at where Carol is having a dance off with a tall brunette that Bucky vaguely recognizes from the magazines as well. “Around 2am, she’s gonna crash and it’ll be the cutest fucking thing in the world.”  
  
“So go on.” She bumps his shoulder. “Go have some fun and then duck for cover. It’s only going to get louder.”  


* * *

  
  
Val’s advice turns out to be spot on. Bucky meets more friends, watches Carol best a tall redheaded man in the aforementioned arm wrestling contest. Jane and Darcy are leading the dance party and Jane waves at him, running over to kiss him on the cheek.  
  
“Thanks for getting him here on time.”  
  
“No problem.” Bucky blushes.  
  
Jane smiles at him. “I’m glad the two of you are together.” She squeezes his hand and runs back to the dance floor before Bucky can respond.

* * *  


  
  
After an hour or so, Bucky moves more towards the outskirts of the party. This is a lot of people. And even though he _knew_ there’d be a party, it’s still a lot to take in. He heads for the bar and snags a beer before sneaking out to the pool. Here at least, the noise recedes a little.  
  
A tall black man in a nice suit is already there, smoking in the dark. He looks at Bucky almost guiltily.  
  
“Didn’t mean to disturb you.” Bucky says.  
  
“Just as long as you don’t blow my hiding spot.” The man says. “I love Thor, but I’m too old for noise like that.” Even from the pool area the noise level inside the house is still verging on deafening.  
  
Bucky just sighs in agreement and sits down on the other lounger. He takes a sip of his beer and cracks his neck.  
  
The man regards him thoughtfully. “You must be Bucky.”  
  
“How’d you know?”  
  
The man shrugs. “Just a hunch.” He holds out his hand. “Heimdall. Thor and I go way back.”  
  
“Nice to meet you.”  
  
“Likewise.” Heimdall takes another puff on his cigar. “So what do you think of all this?” He gestures to the pool, the house, the party.  
  
“It’s a lot.” Bucky says after a moment.  
  
“Too much?” Heimdall suggests.  
  
Bucky shrugs. “It’s worth it. For Thor.” He says finally. “He’s really something.” It’s an understatement and he has the feeling they both know it.  
  
“That he is.”  
  
There’s a brief burst of noise, as though a door has been opened and closed hurriedly.  
  
Bucky and Heimdall look up with interest to see a man crossing the patio and ducking through the bushes to reach the pool area.  
  
“Oh hey,” He stops at the sight of them. “Is this where you hang out if you don’t want to be in the middle of the party, but you agreed to come to the party so you can’t leave yet?”  
  
Bucky nods. “This is the place.”  
  
“Good.” The guy sighs, tugging at his tie. “Bruce.”  
  
“Bucky.”  
  
“I know.” Bruce says. “I mean, I’ve heard a lot about you.”  
  
Bucky thinks briefly about all the various things Thor could have told him and decides he doesn’t want to know. He just offers a little smile and doesn’t say anything.  
  
Heimdall just grins. “Bruce and I have met before.”  
  
Bruce nods at him. “How’s it going?”  
  
The three of them watch the party through the windows. It’s full blast, and it looks like fun. But Bucky prefers this fun from a distance. He likes watching Thor in the middle of his friends, laughing away. Thor’s arm is around Jane as she smiles up at him, and Bucky’s not gonna lie, that would have made him jealous if Jane hadn’t given him that speech. But she did, and he believes her, and to be honest, it’s a good sign to see Thor being friendly with his ex’s. He finally recognizes the tall brunette woman who’s currently doing shots with Darcy, is yet another ex, Sif.  
  
_I hope we’re like that when it’s over_, Bucky thinks. And then he thinks about that, and how he doesn’t want this to be over so he just drinks his beer and enjoys the companionable silence with the men beside him.

* * *

  
  
Eventually Thor comes outside. “I’ve been looking for you.” He gestures at Bucky. “You tease, promising me bed and then surprising me with lots of people instead.”  
  
Bucky just grins. “Somebody’s drunk.”  
  
“I am.” Thor announces happily. “It’s a very good party.” He comes down the steps and drops on the lounger besides Bucky. “But I missed you.” His hand strokes Bucky’s thigh as he leans in to kiss Bucky’s neck.  
  
“I think that might be our cue to go.” Bruce announces.  
  
“Yeah.” Heimdall agrees. “I’ve seen enough pornographic content with Thor to last a lifetime, no offense.” He aims this at Bucky who shrugs.  
  
“None taken.”  
  
“You don’t have to go.” Thor says seriously. “But we are going to have sex now, so unless you want to watch, or join in…” He grins at both of them.  
  
“Not tonight.” Heimdall chuckles. He takes Thor in a hug. “Happy birthday, my friend.”  
  
Thor buries his face in Heimdall’s shoulder. “Thank you. Thank you for everything.”  
  
Heimdall just smiles at him.  
  
“And you,” Thor turns to Bruce. “Thank you for coming, Bruce.”  
  
Bruce just smiles. “Happy Birthday.” He hugs Thor and then turns to Bucky. “It was nice to meet you.”  
  
“You too.”  
  
Bucky watches as they go up the path together and then round the side of the house. He looks at Thor. “You still have a party going in there.”  
  
“Mmm, don’t care.” Thor drapes an arm around him, leaning down to kiss Bucky hungrily. “I want you.”  
  
“Right here?” Bucky glances up at the house windows. If they look out…  
  
“Unless you’d rather go inside.” Thor pauses. “We could do it in the pool.” He starts shucking his clothes, grinning playfully at Bucky.  
  
Bucky sighs, but what the hell. It’s Thor’s birthday after all. He strips quickly and slides into the water.  
  
Thor presses him up against the side of the pool, kissing him. “I want you.” He bites Bucky’s lower lip, flicking his tongue over Bucky’s.  
  
“You have me.” Bucky says, a little bit breathlessly. He can feel Thor against his thigh and automatically spreads his thighs. Thor presses in, nudging him so he’s riding the tip of Thor’s cock as Thor kisses his shoulders. It’s not enough, it’s maddeningly not enough.  
  
Bucky slips his hands down Thor’s back, squeezing his ass. “More.”  
  
“I don’t want to hurt you.”  
  
“More.” Bucky scrapes his nails over Thor’s backside and Thor moans into his skin. He settles his own hands on Bucky’s hips and then with one smooth long thrust, he’s buried inside Bucky.  
  
“Fuck.” The water helps but it is rough, and Bucky knows he’s gonna feel that. Somehow, he doesn’t care. He squeezes Thor’s ass harder. “Fuck me.”  
  
Thor obeys, but he’s clearly not as drunk as Bucky had thought, or he’s one of those who can still have perfect control, for his thrusts are even and measured, each one of them dragging right across the spot that drives Bucky wild. He wraps his legs around Thor’s waist, closes his eyes, listening to the party around them as Thor fucks him nice and slow.  


* * *

  
  
Later, after one of them sneaks upstairs the back way, clutching their clothes (Bucky) and one of them waltzes naked into the party to announce that the party is done and everyone should go home now (Thor) they tumble into bed, smelling like chlorine and sex. Thor wraps his arms around Bucky and instantly falls asleep. Bucky stays like that, listening to Thor snoring away softly in his ear and he can't help laughing quietly to himself. This isn't where he saw himself six months ago, but here they are.  
  
He likes Thor's weight on him, but all the same he's still too awake to sleep and after a while he gently moves Thor's arm and slips out from under him.  
  
The silence through the house is overwhelmingly obvious after the noise from the party. Bucky goes downstairs and pours himself a glass of water before going outside. He sits by the pool, and lights a cigarette.   
  
There's an itch at the side of his neck and it takes him a moment to recognize it. It's been so long since the war, but that feeling pervades his skin. The feeling of being watched. Bucky looks around the backyard, but if there's anyone in the bushes, he can't see them. He looks around the hills but there's nothing there.  
  
At last he finishes his cigarette and goes inside.  
  
The camera attached to the pole overlooking the pool watches him go.

* * *

  
  
  
At the other end, Loki exhales slowly. That had been a truly unsettling moment. For a moment he'd actually thought Barnes would spot the camera.  
  
Loki goes limp in his seat, slumping back against the back of his chair. Bare-chested, clad only in a pair of slim black jeans, he's pale and lithe in the dimly lit room. He'd watched the whole of the party silently, unwanted arousal curling in his belly as he watched Thor fuck Barnes in the pool. The rest of the party had receded after that. He'd seen at least two of Thor's ex's in the crowd, happy and carefree and welcome in Thor’s home.  
  
He drums his hand on the side of the chair, watching Barnes linger in the kitchen with bored eyes. He keeps expecting something to happen, someone to notice, but there's a reason Hela's team is the best.   
  
Loki feels a slow smile curling over his lips as he turns his attention back to Thor sleeping peacefully in the bedroom upstairs. The sheets have tangled around his hips, sliding down enough to reveal the golden hair at his groin. One year older, another year gone.  
  
"Happy birthday, brother." Loki murmurs. He lifts his drink in a toast before going into his bedroom.   
  
In the bottom drawer of his bureau he opens it to survey the dildo Lorraine had thoughtfully left behind He eyes it, finishing the rest of his drink before reaching for it.   
  
If it were his brother's cock, he would suck it, but this is not the same. Instead he slicks it and settles on his back. Loki closes his eyes and presses the head inside himself. It's slower than he likes. Thor only goes slow when he's purposeful, dragging it out. If he thinks of it like that, if he imagines that Thor is doing this on purpose, it works.   
  
_Thor thrusting slowly deeper and deeper, his eyes locked on Lok's eyes. "Do you think I should let you come?"_  
  
_"I think it's only fair." Loki rasps. His cock is pressed tight against his belly. Thor has paid it no mind, and seemingly has no intention of doing so. He enjoys making Loki come without touching his cock at all. There is something satisfying in it, making Loki come apart from his touch alone._  
  
_"Is it though?" Thor murmurs. His teeth graze Loki's throat. "Perhaps if you persuaded me to see the fairness of it." He gives another lazy thrust and Loki bites back a moan._  
  
_Loki shivers as Thor presses his palm against Loki's belly, just above where he desperately desires Thor's touch. So close and yet so far. _  
  
_"Let me come." Loki whispers. "And I will see your fairness returned in full."_  
  
_Thor smiles at him. "Will you? It seems unlikely." He drags the pads of his fingertips lightly over Loki's stomach, making him shiver again. "I do like making you come though." _  
  
_"Do you?" Loki asks. "At times it seems like you prefer the opposite."_  
  
_The expression in Thor's eyes alters. He moves to clasp Lokis jaw in his hands, gazing down at him. "You must never think that." He says. "Never doubt." _  
  
_Loki stares at him wordlessly as Thor leans down to kiss him._  
  
Loki's eyes snap open as he pants, dildo still quivering, protruding from his hole. That wasn't enough to come. He doesn't even know where that came from.  
  
He needs more. He needs more than that pitiful fantasy to come.  
  
He leans over, grabbing the remote and presses play on the tape he had left in the player, the one of Thor fucking Barnes against the wall, before they even made it to the bedroom. It’s quick and rough, and Barnes had spent the next few days moving a little slower than usual. Loki watches it with half-lidded eyes as he continues moving the dildo inside himself. With the sight of Thor’s thighs moving frenziedly, Barnes’s head thrown back as Thor pulled his hair, it doesn’t take long this time.  
  
He lies there, panting, feeling his own spend dry on his stomach. Loki places one hand behind his head as he gazes up at the ceiling. In a little while he’ll get up and shower. But for now he lies there a little longer, feeling the cock still inside him, still filling him, as though he's not alone.

* * *

For once the next morning Thor is awake before Bucky. He finds him sitting at the kitchen island drinking coffee.  
  
“Good morning.” Thor smiles at him.  
  
“How the heck are you up before me?” Bucky slides onto the stool across him with a yawn.  
  
“Parties agree with me.” Thor says. “No idea why. I always sleep extremely well after them.”  
  
“Hmm.” Bucky gets up to pour himself some coffee when he remembers. “Oh hang on.” He goes back down the hall to find where he stashed the package he brought from the garage.   
  
“What’s this?” Thor eyes the package when he sets it down on the island between them.  
  
“Happy Birthday.” Bucky takes a sip of coffee.  
  
“You already gave me the party.”  
  
“That was Jane and Darcy.” Bucky reminds him. “This is just…something I thought you might like.”  
  
He waits, sipping his coffee while Thor slowly opens it. Thor stares at it for a long moment, before drawing it out.  
  
“It’s corny.” Bucky says. “It’s the flag from your first win. I snitched it afterwards. Nobody was around and I wanted a souvenir.” He shrugs self-consciously. “Forgot all about it until I saw those shorts to be honest.”  
  
Thor grins at him. “Thank you. This is very…” His hand smooths over the material gently. He leans across the island and kisses Bucky. “Thank you.”  
  
“You’re welcome.” Bucky takes a sip of coffee.  
  
“Did you keep anything else from those days?” Thor sets the starting flag aside, his hand still lingering on the faded material. He’s just curious, not really expecting Bucky to answer yes.  
  
“As a matter of fact, yes.”  
  
“Oh?”  
  
“I still have my mechanic’s jacket.” Bucky strokes at his beard.  
  
“Is that right?” Thor glances at him. “The one you looked extremely hot in, if I recall correctly.”  
  
“Mmm, maybe.” Bucky says, taking another sip of coffee. “Are you saying you’d like to see me in it?”  
  
“If I’m still getting birthday wishes, then yes, very much.”  
  
Bucky grins. “ All right. Hang on.” He goes down the hall again. Thor looks down again at the flag. “I can’t believe that he kept this.” He murmurs to himself. No one has ever been sentimental over him, except perhaps his mother.  
  
When he glances up again, Bucky is wearing his red mechanic’s jacket. He’s also removed the t-shirt and pajama pants he had on so the only other thing he’s wearing now are his white shorts .  
  
“What do you think?” Bucky leans in the doorway casually.  
  
Thor sucks in a breath. At times he genuinely thinks Bucky isn’t aware of what he looks like And other times, he thinks Bucky has to know exactly what he’s doing because _damn_.  
  
“I think, happy birthday to me.”  
  
Bucky snickers and comes over to him. “Is that right?” He locks his arms around Thor’s neck, gazing up at him.  
  
“Yes.” Thor says firmly. He reaches down and lifts Bucky onto his lap.  
  
Bucky wiggles a little, settling more comfortably. Thor just squeezes his ass, runs his fingers along the inseam, feeling the heat of Bucky’s dick.  
  
“You really want to fuck on the kitchen stool?”  
  
“No, I think the counter will be more comfortable.” Thor murmurs. “But I’m enjoying myself, so a few minutes more will only make it more enjoyable, wouldn’t you think?” He brushes his thumb over the curve of Bucky’s cock.  
  
“Mmm.” Bucky leans in, pressing against him. “I think you’re a tease,” he kisses Thor playfully. “But it’s still your birthday.”  
  
Thor grins and kisses him again, sliding his other hand down the back of Bucky’s shorts.

* * *

  
  
It takes Thor until they’re around the three month mark to try persuade Bucky to move in with him.

“I like my own space.” Is always Bucky’s answer when he starts to raise the question.

“You can have your own space. You can have all the space you want, I just want you to be there when…”

“Whenever you want to fuck.” Bucky smiles crookedly at him.

"Well, yes.” Thor says. “It would cut down on hooker bills.”

Bucky just laughs. “Like you’re worried about bills.” That’s another thing. Thor has all the money. If Bucky moves in, Thor really will pay for everything, or he’ll try and Thor’s nice and Bucky hates fights, but he doesn’t wanna just be kept like some pet.

Three months and every time Thor asks and Bucky says no, Bucky thinks that’ll be the last time, that Thor’s gonna give up on him and every time it isn’t.

“Don’t you get tired of asking?”

“Not really.” Thor says.

“Why not?”

“Because one day it’ll be the day you say yes.” Thor just grins at him.

* * *

  
  
This sort of shit would have bugged Bucky coming from anybody else, but Thor isn’t anybody else. Bucky’s never met anyone like him. it’s one of the reasons he started whatever it is he and Thor have. What are they anyway? Boyfriends? Partners? Lovers? Nothing fits in Bucky’s opinion. He can’t come up with a good term.

“Are you my sugar daddy?” he asks one morning after he sees a tabloid suggesting that very thing. Bucky studies the photo they got of him and Thor ducking out of a bar. It’s not the worst pic, but it’s not the best.

“Do you want me to be?”

“No. not so much.” Bucky says after a moment. That’s never been his kink, but at the same time, looking at Thor…

“Are you sure?” Thor teases. “Is that what you were looking for?”

Bucky rolls his eyes and throws a muffin at him.  
  
“You could pretend that for a little while, anyway.” Thor says in a completely neutral voice, having ducked the muffin.  
  
“Why’s that?” Bucky’s instantly suspicious.  
  
“I may have gotten you something.”  
  
“May have?”  
  
“Okay I did.” Thor admits sheepishly.  
  
He nods to the box in the corner of the room that Bucky hadn’t given a thought to before. He looks at it cautiously.  
  
He opens it slowly and finds a lava lamp with an array of glittering stars inside its cool blue depths.  
  
“This is awesome.” Bucky murmurs. “I’ve always wanted one of these.”  
  
“You’re not mad.”  
  
Bucky glances at him. Thor looks so hopeful, that any of Bucky’s residual guilt at accepting a gift fades. Thor looks so happy at his happiness. He just wants to give Bucky something special. _Be nice, accept it._ Bucky tells himself.  
  
“How could I ever be mad at my daddy?” He drawls, just a tad playfully.  
  
When Thor shifts slightly in his seat and licks his lips, Bucky looks at him again. “You like that, don’t you?”  
  
“Mhm.” Thor says noncommittally.  
  
Bucky just grins at him. He leaves the lamp where it is and goes over to Thor. He nudges Thor back into his chair and climbs onto his lap. “Do you want me to thank you properly, daddy?”  
  
“Well,” Thor clears his throat. “It’s only polite.”  
  
Bucky stifles a chuckle and leans in to bite at his throat. He feels Thor shiver underneath him and does it again. He works his way down Thor’s chest, sliding lower and lower until he sinks to the floor, mouthing at Thor’s crotch.  
  
“Can I have it, daddy?” He breathes, licking the thick bulge of Thor’s dick right through his jeans. “Can I have your big cock?”  
  
“You do ask so very nicely.” Thor murmurs. He reaches down and unzips his jeans, drawing himself out. He holds his cock, watching Bucky. “Go on, lick it.”  
  
Bucky licks the head slowly, watching Thor’s face as he does. “Please can I have all of it?”  
  
“Sure you’ll be able to handle it?” Thor sounds contemplative, like he doesn’t literally have firsthand knowledge of Bucky sucking his cock already.  
  
“Please.” Bucky begs. “Let me.”  
  
“If I let you have it, then you only get to come when I say so.” Thor states and the full weight of his words shifts and settles low in Bucky’s gut. He’s already hardening, from being here on his knees, pressed between Thor’s thighs, Thor’s massive cock dangling temptingly in front of him.  
  
“Well?”  
  
“All right.” Bucky manages.  
  
Thor releases his cock and sits back, watching him silently as he takes him in his mouth. Bucky moans around the thick length sliding over his tongue. He thinks about how intolerable it would be to have to do this if it was expected of him, but because he wants to, because it’s his choice, it’s hot as hell. He shifts his position a little bit, trying to ease the growing ache between his legs.  
  
“Behave.” Thor commands and Bucky mumbles an apology around his dick. He keeps sucking, taking Thor deeper and deeper, till all he smells is Thor’s scent, and he’s only aware of the cock in his mouth and Thor’s hand on his hair and then Thor’s fingers tighten, and he comes. Bucky swallows it all, with a smirk of triumph and sits back as Thor zips himself up.  
  
“Take your jeans down to your ankles.” Thor says, reaching for his drink. He takes a sip, waiting for Bucky to obey.  
  
Finally Bucky does, shoving them down.  
  
“Those too.” Thor nods at his briefs, and slowly Bucky does that as well. Thor eyes his cock for a moment. But doesn’t touch it.  
  
“Over my lap.”  
  
“Oh.” Bucky starts.  
  
Thor gives him a stern look. “You’re thanking me, remember?”  
  
“Yes.” Bucky mumbles.  
  
“Come on then.” Thor pats his left thigh invitingly.  
  
Slowly Bucky stretches out over the broad expanse of Thor’s lap. Thor reaches down and tugs his cock so that’s positioned between his legs. Bucky shifts slightly and groans silently. This is not going to be easy, he can already tell.  
  
Thor trails a hand down his back to his bare butt, and rests it there for a moment. Bucky shifts again, dick rubbing against Thor’s thighs beseechingly. “If you get come on my pants, then I’ll really have to punish you.” Thor says reflectively.  
  
Bucky squirms again on reflex.  
  
“Hold still.” Thor says.  
  
He does his best, waiting.  
  
Thor’s hand moves away for a moment and then returns, fingers slicked. He presses two fingers tips against Bucky’s hole, stroking lightly.  
  
He does this until Bucky squirms again, and then pushes them both inside.  
  
Bucky lets out a small gasp. Thor acts as though he didn’t hear. He simply swivels his fingers deeper, creating a low torturous rhythm.  
  
Bucky groans, letting his head drop between his shoulders as he braces his self against the floor. This is unfair. “I thought I was thanking you for your gift.” He grits out.  
  
“You are.” Thor says placidly. “You are thanking me by letting me choose when and where you will eventually get to come.”  
  
“Eventually.” Bucky squirms again.  
  
Thor draws his fingers in and out, fucking him languidly. Bucky’s dick swells, held relentlessly in place between Thor’s broad thighs. Bucky pants, trying not to rock and back for to get friction, anything.  
  
“Please.” He groans.  
  
“Please what?” Thor takes a sip of coffee with his free hand.  
  
“Please, daddy.” Bucky begs. He’d almost forgotten how this even started, so desperate is he to come by now. “Please, I’ll be good. Just let me come.”  
  
“Mmm.” Thor sounds like he’s considering it.  
  
“Please, daddy. All I want is you to make me come.” Bucky squirms a little then. He can’t fucking help it.  
  
Thor draws his fingers out, stroking Bucky’s hole reflectively. “Shall I let you have my cock then?”  
  
“Yes, please.” Bucky bites his lower lip, trying hard not to beg anymore, but it’s so fucking hard not to when Thor’s driving him wild with need. He expects Thor to make him beg further, but instead Thor merely lifts him to straddle his lap again.  
  
His dick nudges between Bucky’s cheeks. Thor leans back in his chair, letting Bucky balance himself. “Go on then, since you want it so much.”  
  
Bucky just shakes his head and starts chuckling. He leans forest, bracing himself against Thor’s chest as he fucks himself on Thor’s dick.  
  
_ This is a good start to a mornin_g, Bucky thinks. He leans in and brushes his lips over Thor’s. “Kiss me.” He licks Thor’s lip and bites it till Thor growls and wraps his arms around him, forcing Bucky more firmly on his dick.  
  
“That’s right.” Bucky murmurs in his ear. “Come on and fuck me, daddy.”  
  
Thor just growls again and Bucky laughs.  
  


* * *

  
  
Afterwards Thor kisses him long and slow and then, “I like boyfriend. It’s fun. I like thinking of you as my boyfriend.” Like he didn’t just make Bucky beg and squirm and call him daddy while Bucky was spread over his lap.

“Okay then.’ Bucky shrugs. “Boyfriend it is.” it still doesn’t really fit but if Thor’s happy. And then, “You keep lube in your kitchen drawers?”

Thor raises an eyebrow. “We’ve been dating three months and that still surprises you?”

* * *

  
  
"How long has it been by the way?" Thor asks, his arms folded behind his head. They’re lying naked on Thor’s bed after a vigorous afternoon session. Thor got up once to get them both ice cold beers, but other than that they haven’t moved from the bed.  
  
"Since?" Bucky stretches, too lazy to really move. He could get used to this.  
  
"Since the last person you were with." Thor glances at him. He’s curious. They haven’t really talked about this before. “If you don’t mind me asking.”  
  
"Oh..." Bucky runs his thumb around the bottle rim, taking a sip. ”The last time I picked somebody up was eight months ago and I had just,” He pauses like he’s trying to figure out how to say this. “...I just needed it, needed something to take my mind of things. You know how it is."  
  
Thor nods.   
  
"Anyway," Bucky continues. "I went out to get a drink and there was a guy at the end of the bar and out of the corner of my eye, I thought it was Steve.” He clears his throat, glancing at Thor to see how he’s taking this, but Thor’s just listening so he continues. “Anyway, I just had this rush of heat and hope and then it wasn't him." He stares down at the bottle. "So, I thought screw it, I can't have Steve, I can get this guy." He takes another sip and says, "So I did."  
  
"What'd you do?” Thor leans forward with interest.  
  
"I walked over to him and asked him if he was interested in fucking me in the bathroom."   
  
"Is that right?" Thor grins. "How'd he take that?"  
  
Bucky shrugs. "He was interested."   
  
The guy had set down his beer and hopped off his stool and said, "Where's the bathroom."   
  
They'd gone in and the guy had pushed him up against the stall wall and kissed him. Bucky hadn't cared about that but the guy was a surprisingly good kisser so it was easy to close his eyes and pretend it was Steve. And suddenly he was into it, thinking of bumping into Steve in a bar and dragging him off to the toilets and demanding to be fucked then and there.  
  
"Do you have anything?" The guy asked and Bucky froze because he didn't.   
  
He looked at the guy. "I don't. I'm sorry."  
  
The guy shrugged. “I don’t care if you don’t.”  
  
“I let him fuck me without a condom.” Bucky says bluntly. It’s easily one of his stupider, careless decisions in the last few years. He’s conscious of how easy it could have gone wrong and he’s not going to make that choice again.  
  
Thor holds his gaze, understanding what he’s trying to say. Bucky doesn’t have to say it.  
  
“I see.” Thor says, at last. And then the briefest pauses before, “How was it?”  
  
“Jesus, Christ.” Bucky stares at him. “I’m literally telling you how fucking stupid I was just because I was that goddamn lonely for a guy who couldn’t give a shit about me, and you…want to know how good it was?”  
  
“Well, yes.” Thor says reasonably. “I mean we could talk about how stupid it was, having sex with a stranger without a condom these days. Do you want to do that?” He holds Bucky’s gaze evenly. “Do you want to be punished for that?”  
  
Bucky’s mouth goes dry, his cock heavy between his thighs. That’s not a thing he thought he was into… Maybe he hasn’t been into it until now, until Thor. It’s that way with a lot of things, if he’s honest.  
  
“Yes,” He says finally. “Yes.”  
  
Thor’s eyes darkens, he nods.  
  
“Very well.”  
  
He has Bucky lean over the foot of his massive bed, spreading his arms wide, shoulders taut as he ties them to the legs of the bed. Thor reaches for his briefs, pulling them down to pool around his ankles. He presses a hand to one slim cheek before he puts the plug in him.

“I’m going to begin. You’ll count the strokes, and when I reach twenty, I’ll ask you if you’re satisfied in your punishment.” He pulls lightly on the plug, settling it more firmly inside of Bucky.  
“Do you understand?”

“Yes.” Bucky wets his lips. He flexes his wrists, feeling the ties draw more tightly.

The first stroke makes him nearly come. How the fuck is he going to make it to twenty?

* * *  


This time Loki throws his glass at the wall, walking away before it shatters to the floor. He goes into his bedroom and flings himself upon his bed.

How dare Thor do that to Bucky? How dare he, how fucking _dare_ he?

Loki lifts his sweaty face from the sheets. To his shame he feels tears leaking at the corners of his eyes and he wipes at them furiously. He can’t help it, can’t help feeling like this. He needs more, he needs Thor. And yet he can’t have Thor. For he told him so, he told him no, he told him to stay away forever. And Thor has held to that. Thor after all, has always been a man of his word. Unlike Loki who’s lied and kept secrets and manipulated his way to where he is now.

They’ve only seen each other at family gatherings, whenever their mother calls them home, or their father demands their presence and on each and every one of those occasions, there’s been nothing but harsh words or pained insults between the two of them. And after every one of these times, Loki’s wanted to take back his words and every time he can’t.

For he has no proof that anything has changed, that Thor thinks anything at all of what they’ve shared that weekend. No proof that it mattered at all. And Loki would be damned, accursed and forsaken before he admits it first.

But this, it’s not enough that Thor lets Barnes fuck him like a common whore, that he actually spreads his legs and offers himself willingly, to the man. No, Thor has to make it worse. Here, he takes Barnes in hand, offers him punishment and absolution with the same damned hand. Thor touches him like that, intimately, lovingly, punishing him with a firm hand, the kind Loki has longed for all his damn life.

He sits up, taking a deep breath as he sweeps his hands through his hair. At least if he doesn’t have Thor (he can never have Thor, never never never) he does have someone who knows what he needs.

He makes the call while he fixes a drink, pacing restlessly as he waits for her to pick up.

“Yes?”

“I have need of you.” Loki hates how raspy, how desperate his voice is.

“Ah, well. that’s unfortunate. I happen to be on my way to an appointment.”

He hears the regret there and Loki bites his lip at putting himself in this position, at putting Lorraine in this position. He hates his weakness.

“Well then I’ll leave you to it.” He starts to hang up.

“Loki, wait.”

The command, soft as summer rain, stops him.

“Tell me, why you called?”

“I told you, I had need.” He closes his eyes, hating the tears still trying to escape the corners of his eyes, but what does it matter? She’s not there to see his weakness. No one is here to witness it.

“Very well.”

“What?”

“Where are you?”

“My bedroom.” Loki downs the rest of his drink and sets the glass down, ignoring how his hand trembles.

“Put the phone on speaker and set it on the bed.”

He does, waiting.

“Now, get undressed.”

Loki hesitates.

“What are you waiting for? Obey?”

“Yes, mistress.” Loki immediately starts to undress. He only looks at the phone again when he’s naked.

“Good.” She says as though she can see him and Loki fights the urge to cover his genitals.

“Now go fetch these items.” She gives him instructions and he goes, hating every second, while anticipation rises in his belly, and fills his cock.

He returns to the bedroom and lays them down on the sideboard. “I have them.”

“Good, put the cock ring on.” She makes a sound as though she’s yawning faintly. He wonders where she’s going, if he’s delaying her. But she wouldn’t be doing this if she couldn’t. He knows that, so he shoves the guilt aside and stands there, waiting.

“Now, the collar.”

Loki obeys, slipping the cock ring over his shaft, and fastening the slim black collar around his neck.

“Now the plug.”

He slicks it with only the barest covering of lube, he wants it to be rough, he wants to feel this.

“Now, position yourself upon the bed on all fours.”

Loki groans silently, but he does, feeling the plug shift and settle inside him. He knows what he looks like, and he lets the self-loathing fill him, lets the shame seep over his body until his cock is dripping.

“I’m ready.”

“Good.” She says.

The plug switches on and Loki nearly catapults forward, his body jerks forward with the force of the vibrations. He stifles a shudder.

“Oh dear. Was that too much?”

It slows to a low hum inside him and Loki flexes his fingers against his sheets. He can do this, he can do this, he can. It buzzes upward and he pulses again, cock throbbing, knees trembling with need.

“Stay in position.”

Loki grits his teeth.

“Answer me.”

“Yes, mistress.”

“Good.” She slows it down again. “Now eyes on the headboard, focus.”

He’s trying, but it’s not enough. He thinks of Barnes kneeling in front of Thor, Thor’s hand cupping his jaw, stroking his face affectionately.

The plug throbs again, and he curses aloud, an embarrassing whimper.

“I told you to focus.” There is steel in her voice now. “You will be punished for your lack of obedience.”

“Please, mistress.”

“Put your wrists together behind your back. Spread your knees and keep your ass elevated.”

Loki burns with shame and arousal. The position is the worst. So exposed, so needy, his ass the most noticeable thing in the room, begging for attention, for touch.

“Spread your legs wider.”

He tries, it’s hard.

The plug throbs again and he groans into the blankets.

“So needy. So hungry. Your drive to be fully punished is most attractive. I would dearly like to be there to lay you over my lap and spank you till you’re hard and your pretty little ass is reddened to perfection. You know that’s how I prefer it. After that I would whip you with the strap, I think. Yes, that would suit this situation, until you surrender, and I would trap your cock between my thighs and hold you there until you can’t hold back and you come.”

Loki chokes back a sob. He’s aching and hard, leaking across his bed.

“Of course that couldn’t go unpunished so once you’ve cleaned the mess you’ve made from my thighs, your mess, Loki dear, I would lay you upon your back, on the bed, spread-eagled, your aching ass pressed to the silken sheets, and I would put the cage on you.”

“No.” He blurts out. He hates the cage.

“Oh yes.” He can hear the smile in her voice. “So here’s what you’re going to do, Loki. You’re going to go fetch the cage, you know where I left it.”

He does, feet dragging with each step.

“Now, stroke yourself to just the edge.” He hears a clink of ice against glass. Where is she? What is she doing besides this? How can she focus on him?

“And when you’re right there, right on the very precipice, then you will put the cage on.”

He doesn’t have to do this. She’s not here.

“Begin.”

He takes his cock in hand and starts stroking himself.

“Who’s touching you in your mind?”

“No one.”

The plug throbs. “Don’t lie to me.”

“Thor.” He turns his face away as though she can see the shame written there. She knows of his obsession with Thor, even if she doesn’t know the relationship there.

“Very well.” She takes a sip. “How does he stroke you? A little rough, perhaps, a little hasty, eager to get you to completion.”

Loki groans.

“Or maybe it’s slow, making each motion of his hand so forceful that your very thighs are aching from the strain of holding back.”

“I….” Loki’s so close, her words are torture.

“Does he simply jerk you off hastily, because all he wants is for you to be spent and lax, so he can lay you facedown upon the bed, spread those reddened cheeks and thrust his cock straight inside your waiting hole.”

Loki gasps. “So close.”

“Good. You know what to do.”

“Must I?” he asks immediately biting his tongue.

“Oh, Loki.” She sounds disappointed. “You…”

He hangs his head as he reaches for it, fastening the little metal cage over his cock and balls and locking it tight. It hangs heavily between his thighs and he glares at it with hatred.

“Is it on?”

“Yes, mistress.”

“Good.” She takes another sip. “Now lay upon your stomach, spread your legs wide, and put your hands behind your back, crossing your wrists. “

“Mistress.”

“Disobey me, Loki. This is the last time I will tell you.”

He obeys.

The plug speeds up, and he gasps, cock throbbing inside the cage.

“Close your eyes, Loki dear. This will be a long night.”

He sobs and the plug throbs and pulses, then slows. She plays with him, talking until he surrenders to sleep.

* * *

Loki wakes in the morning, dry mouthed, cock and balls still aching inside the cage. The plug has slowed to a pause, but when he moves groggily, it pulses inside him. speed but it’s still going.

Loki blinks, now fully awake. “Lorraine.”

He doesn’t expect her to answer, but she does.

“Oh, there you are.”

“I need to come.” He writhes upon the bed.

“You poor thing.” She tut-tuts. And the plug speeds up again. Loki burns and sobs and screams, body aching, buttocks shuddering, limbs trembling, he’s sweating all over.

He looses a dry rasping sob, pressing his face into the pillows.

“Loki.”

He freezes immediately.

“Sit up.”

He does.

“Spread your thighs.”

“Take the cage off.”

He does with a gasp, freeing his aching cock. He gazes at it mournfully.

“Now, take a pillow, lay back down on your belly and put the pillow between your legs and fuck it.”

“Mistress.” His voice is a hoarse croak.

“Do it until you come.”

He does, obeying her to the letter. A quick, dirty frottage sets him off. He gasps and moans and spills all over his silken pillowcase. And then he turns over and lies on his back with a sigh.

“I take it you finished.”

“Yes.”

The silence is pointed.

“Yes mistress.”

“Good.” She says briskly. “Now go shower, take off the ring and wash yourself thoroughly.”

He starts to get up.

“And Loki?”

“Yes, mistress?”

“Get the blue plug from the drawer, when you’re done showering and you’ve washed yourself satisfactorily, put it in.”

He wets his lips. “Is that really necessary?”

“Yes.” Lorraine says after a moment. “I think it is.” She waits. “Unless you’d like to put on the cage again.”

“No, no, please.”

“Good. Then oil the plug and, Loki, no jerking off until tonight. Call me at precisely eleven o’clock and I will let you know if you get to come or not.”

With that she leaves him and he goes to the shower to carry out her orders. For once, he’s barely thinking of Thor at all.

* * *

It hits Bucky a week later when he spots an interview in Racecar, a throwaway question near the end of the interview.

_“Yeah, I’m seeing someone, my boyfriend’s a mechanic, talented as fuck.”_

Bucky stares at it for a long time to make sure he’s not hallucinating things. Then he reaches for the phone and calls Thor.

“Yo.”

“You said I was your boyfriend in this interview.”

“Well, yes.” Thor sounds perplexed. “It’s because you are.”

“Yeah, I know we said it, but…” Bucky looks around the shop. Is this his life? it’s so far from what he thought it would be, but he can’t complain about where he is right now. For the first time in a long time, he’s happy, really happy.

“Okay.” He says finally.

“Okay you’re my boyfriend?”

“Okay, I’ll move in.” Bucky swallows. There’s a short silence and then Thor whoops with joy. Bucky has to hold the phone away from his ear. It’s wild that something so simple can make him so happy. The man who has everything he could possibly want. But he’s glad it does. This at least he can do. This much he can give.

* * *

After that night, after the exhausting day….after the follow-up phone call with Lorraine, and yes he had gotten to come, Loki had written all night. He hadn’t planned to, but his mood the session with Lorraine had been unexpectedly good.

Usually he writes when he’s exhausted and tired of his day-to-day life, and needs an escape, but every once in a while he’ll need it even in a good mood.

The novel had started one day when he had been running through those long-ago events yet again and they wouldn't leave him. If only things had been different. If only Thor had been different that weekend, it could have been everything he ever wanted. It so nearly was, and yet...

Loki had started with that, writing a story of a weekend of erotic sex but it had sprung from a place of love and true passion not mere debauchery. When he had written it all out though, it had seemed so stark on the page he had nearly thrown it away, or burned it. And yet at the same time, it was too tempting to keep going. It needed a disguise, something to allow him to look at it more evenly in the light of day. It wasn't him and Thor, it was Thomas and Christopher. Looking at it like that allowed him to see both of them more clearly. Christopher was arrogant and self-assured, but kind and deeply passionate underneath his handsome, well-born exterior. Thomas was clever and proud, hiding his shame and embarrassment at his base-born status behind a facade of sarcasm and faux-servility. 

The modern setting hadn't worked either, so he had had settled on Victorian times. Why not? Plenty of romance there, and though he had decided to make the sexualities of the characters not matter, their class differences did. With Christopher as the son of a lord and Thomas the bastard son of neighboring estate, it lent him the setting for all the sexual practices and kinks he wanted to explore. 

Over time it had evolved. He had written and revised and thrown out scenes. It had to be the purest form of itself; nothing else would satisfy. He didn't set out to write it, it had simply happened. In-between his other work, it had taken on a life of its own, but Loki kept it tamed and locked away for the most part. He still wrote stories for Playboy and Hustle, enjoying the perverse thrill of seeing his words in print, even if was under a pen name. What would his parents think now if they could see how he had used his degree after all those hours of studying, all that effort and talent? For what? Wasted.

He could visualize the disappointment in Frigga's eyes, the disgust in Odin's. None of it mattered. He would never have Thor, and this was the only pretense that he could.

* * *

Bucky talks to Sam about moving in and Sam's supportive as usual, while still joking around."You're definitely dating, by the way, if you move in together." He says, tossing Bucky a beer.  
  
"Yeah, yeah." Bucky catches it easily. He twists off the cap and take a sip.  
  
"You sure about this?" Sam says finally. "You don't have to move in with him if you don't want to. It doesn't mean you don't want to be together."  
  
"I know." Bucky says. "But thanks." He takes a sip. "it's more...I _want_ to. I want to...try to move on." If he moves in with Thor, if he makes this more official, than surely the hold Steve has over the past will fade.  
  
"I think that's good." Sam squeezes his shoulder. "I think you're doing good, Buck."  
  
"Thanks." Bucky says again.

* * *

He goes back to group too. More to see if he could talk to Nat than to share, though he had done that as well.   
  
He sees her afterwards and hurries to catch her at the end. "Hey."  
  
"Hey." She smiles at him.  
  
"So I totally get it if you don't want to, but um would you be interested in getting a cup of coffee?  
  
"Things not work out with your guy?" She asks.  
  
"What?" It takes Bucky a moment, and then, to his annoyance, he blushes. "Ah, no...nothing like that. Just to talk."  
  
"Really, wow. I must be losing my knack."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Relax, I'm just messing with you. You are the only guy to approach me at these that hasn't asked me out."  
  
"That's shitty."  
  
Nat shrugs. "I'm used to it."   
  
"Doesn't make it okay."  
  
She gives him a nod. "Thanks. Doesn't stop me from coming, so I count it a win."  
  
"That's good." He stops. "So...coffee?"  
  
"Yeah." She nods to the car around the corner. "I'm driving."  
  
She drives them to a little cafe and they order and sit outside.  
  
"To answer your question" Bucky begins. " Things are going good with him. In fact I'm moving in."  
  
"Really?" Nat cocks her head. "How do you feel about that?"  
  
"Hopeful. I guess?" He takes a sip of coffee. "Like, it's a good step in the right direction."  
  
"From...?"  
  
"The past..." Bucky says. “I suppose that’s obvious, but.” He shrugs and then, for some reason, realizes he wants to tell her. “There was this guy a while back. I haven’t seen him in years, you know, and yet if he walked in the door tomorrow, he’d be the only thing I cared about.” He stops abruptly.   
  
“So you feel guilty about the guy now.” Nat clarifies. “That’s the hold up?”  
  
  
“Yeah.” Bucky says. “Is it fair, I mean…is it fair to be with someone when you still have feelings for someone else?”  
  
“Well.” Nat considers, taking a sip of coffee. “Two things. One does he know about the guy before?”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“And how does he…”  
  
“He’s fine. Like I said, he’s very understanding.”  
  
“Okay. And two,” Nat searches his face, “Are you having fun with him? Do you like being with him?”  
  
“Yeah.” Bucky clears his throat. “I really do.”  
  
“Then there’s nothing wrong with it.” She says firmly. “You’re not hurting anyone. You’ve been honest. Things are complicated. Life is complicated, and as the great Stephen Stills once said, ‘if you can’t be with the one you love, honey, love the one you’re with.”  
  
Bucky stares at her, and then just starts chuckling. “Thanks.”  
  
“You’re welcome.” She sits back. “Anytime.”   
  
They head back out to her car so she can drop Bucky back at his bike.

He remembers to ask as he’s getting out of the car. “How’s your buddy doing by the way? The one’s who not ready to come back to the group yet?”  
  
“Good, I think.” She shrugs. “Still taking time.”

“I get that.” Bucky nods. “I hope it works out for him.”

“Me too.” Nat smiles. “See you around, James.”

“See you.” He gives her a wave and heads to his bike.


	3. Chapter 3

Thor eyes the man across the bar. In a certain light, in a certain glance, he could almost be mistaken for his brother. Almost.

And then the man turns his head slightly and Thor’s heart does a quick somersault. It *is* Loki. Against all odds, against everything he’s there.

Thor stares at him. It can’t be. He would have known. But he doesn’t have an answer for that. There’s no reason he would have known whether Loki was in LA or not, it simply seems impossible to Thor that he wouldn’t know. Loki’s so ingrained in his bloodstream, like a poison, that he feels he should know where he is at all times.   
  
And now he’s here. Drinking with some man at the bar. Thor’s hand curls into a fist without him even realizing it.  
  
“Thor?” Bucky asks. “What’s wrong?’  
  
“Nothing.” Thor says. Everything. How can Loki be here?  
  
“Wait here.” He says shortly and gets up. He doesn’t know what he’s going to say. He has no plan. A force of nature propels him across the room to where Loki is sitting at the bar.  
  
“Loki.” Thor says hoarsely. Perhaps it’s not real. Perhaps he’s imagining things. It could happen. It would be easy to imagine Loki within the city, near but not too near, still far away.  
  
Loki turns his head and looks at him. “Ah.” He says wryly. “I was wondering when I’d run into you.” He glances ruefully at the man sitting next to him. “Apologies for the interruption. This is my brother, whom I’ve not seen now for…how long is it now?” His tone is casual, implying it matters little how long it’s been.  
  
“Five years.” Thor’s voice is still hoarse. He doesn’t even glance at the other man. He doesn’t exist, as far as Thor’s concerned. “It was their anniversary.”  
  
“That’s right.” Loki nods to himself. “I seem to remember the party dragging on a bit too long.”  
  
“We danced.” Thor says softly. “Surely you remember that.”  
  
There’s a brief flash of something dark and painful in Loki’s eyes and then it’s gone again. “I remember vomiting on your shoes, if you like.” He smiles. “But you didn’t come over here just to reminisce, did you brother, dear?”  
  
“I came…because you didn’t tell me you were coming to LA.” Thor says at a loss.  
  
“I conduct business in LA all the time .” Loki’s tone remains casual. “I didn’t realize I needed to keep you informed of my comings and goings.”  
  
“Speaking of business.” The man he’s with breaks in. “We should finish our conversation.”  
  
Loki nods. He glances briefly at Thor. “Is there anything else?”  
  
Thor wavers. There’s so much else. There’s always more. How can Loki act as though there’s nothing between them? Nothing to say? There are so many unspoken things between them and there have been so many missed opportunities.  
  
And now here’s Loki looking at him as though there’s nothing at all.  
  
“No.” Thor murmurs. “There’s nothing else I want to say.” He smiles blandly at the man with Loki. “Enjoy your drinks.” He nods to Loki. “Brother.” And then he turns and heads back to the table where Bucky’s waiting.  
  
He doesn’t look back. If he had, he would have seen Loki’s eyes follow him briefly, before returning to the conversation at hand.

* * *  


Bucky glances at the men over at the table. “What was that about?”

“Nothing.”

“Funny, it looked like something from here.”

Thor just looks at him and for the first time Bucky shivers, as he realizes what this man is capable of. Thor’s not an angel even if he looks like one.

Thor tosses a bill on the table and jerks his head at the door. “Are you coming?”

Bucky just sighs. “Yeah.” He doesn’t want to. For once he wants to go home and sleep in his own bed, in his apartment. But he also wants to know what’s up with Thor, and how one short conversation could cause so much anguish.

The drive home is short. Thor zips in and out of the other cars with dangerous precision. Bucky finds himself gripping the door side more than once, more out of reflex more than fear. Was this what it had been like back in the day? He can only imagine.

They drive through the gates, barely waiting for them to open. Thor leaves the car in the driveway and they go inside.

Bucky follows him to the kitchen where Thor grabs a bottle of whiskey and stalks down to the pool. Bucky pauses, and then grabs a beer. He’s gonna need at least that much for this conversation. He knows that much.

Thor’s got the whiskey open by the time he joins him, tipping the bottle back.

“So you gonna tell me what that was about? Or am I supposed to guess?”

“You’re supposed to shut up and let it go.” Thor murmurs, taking a swig. “That’s what they all do, anyway.” He glances at Bucky dully.

“Yeah, well I’m not very good at supposed to.” Bucky says. He opens his beer and takes a drink before sitting down on the pool chair. He waits. By his estimate, it’s gonna be a long night.

Thor just shakes his head. He takes another long drink and then sets the bottle down. He looks at Bucky who lays back against the recliner, watching him as Thor comes over to him.  
  
The sex is slow at first like Thor’s testing himself here and then it speeds up, like he can’t hold himself back any longer. Bucky grips him back as just hard and Thor moans deep into his mouth as he finishes, already seeking Bucky’s lips for another kiss like he’s still drowning, like it’s nowhere near what he needs.

* * *

Afterwards Bucky pulls his clothes off and slips into the pool. He swims back and forth, enjoying the hazy ache in his body as he watches Thor still sitting upon the lounger.

The whiskey is nearly gone when Thor finally speaks again.

“I didn’t expect to see him, I didn’t realize he was in LA. How is that possible? That I didn’t even realize he was here?”

Bucky’s tempted to ask who, but he doesn’t want to lose this moment, doesn’t want to discourage Thor so he stays quiet, just listening from the pool. 

“It’s been five years.” Thor wipes his mouth, staring blankly at the bottle. “I thought it would hurt less.” He falls silent, and this time Bucky asks.

“Who was he?”

“That man at the club is my brother…my…Loki.” Thor says slowly, then glances at Bucky. “Adopted, after all. If that makes a difference.”

Bucky doesn't say anything. Heck it's not his place to judge. But he probably wouldn't have guessed the guy was Thor’s brother.  
  
“He was adopted when he was four." Thor says. "He was always this quiet, mischievous little kid until he wasn't." He pauses. "I can't remember the first time I looked at him and realized I wanted him. I only remember looking at him and thinking he was all I wanted." He takes a sip, staring down at the bottle.  
  
"Do you think that's sick?"  
  
"No." Bucky says after a moment, and realizes he's not even lying when he says it. "I think life is complicated."  
  
Thor smiles. It's melancholy upon his lips. "It is, isn't it?" He takes another sip. "He's the only man I've ever..." He pauses and looks at Bucky. Now he sees him, his eyes fill with new pain. "I probably shouldn't say that to you. It's hardly fair."  
  
"Hey." Bucky says softly. He pulls himself out of the pool and pads over to Thor, crouching in front of him. He leans in, running his fingers through Thor's hair. It's so important to him to get this right, to offer Thor comfort after Thor has done it for him. "I always want you to be honest with me, and besides," He offers a small grin. "It's not like I don't have my own shitty romantic hangups too."  
  
"That is true." Thor says. "Your Steve." He cups Bucky's face. "The loss of him. Perhaps that's why we were drawn to each other."  
  
"Maybe, yeah." Bucky says.   
  
He sits back, still squeezing Thor's knee. "Tell me more about Loki." He senses the dam about to be broken. When after all has Thor had a chance to talk about this? Not often, he guesses...   
And Loki, Bucky wonders about him. Who the hell does he talk to?  
  
"He's..."  
  
"The asshole you told me about on our first date?" Bucky suggests. He reaches for the whiskey and takes a sip.  
  
Thor grins, a real grin. "Yeah, that's the one. He's so stubborn, I mean we both are, but Loki just digs his heels in and refuses to budge once the first spark of argument has been struck between us." He sighs. "It's been mostly arguments ever since we were teenagers."   
  
"But it wasn't always like that?" Bucky guesses.  
  
"No, when we were younger we were thick as thieves. He would come up with the most inventive schemes and I always went along with them, because they were fun. And he would follow me into whatever reckless harebrained adventure I threw myself into." Thor drifts off again.  
  
"So what changed?"  
  
"We fucked." Thor says bluntly. He looks down at the pool. "It was right before I went into the army. It was a party. I was drunk and for the first time I didn't stop the desire I felt when I looked at him. And he wanted me that night, I know he did. Whatever came after, he wanted me that night, I _know_."   
  
The pain in his voice makes Bucky ache all over. "What came after?"  
  
"He was gone when I woke up in the morning, and when I went down to breakfast, he acted as though nothing had happened and I had my girlfriend there...I could hardly tell her that I wanted to be alone with him. I couldn't even admit to myself. I had my pride after all. And when I saw that it meant nothing to him, that he looked at me as though it had never happened, I did the same." He takes a sip and the bottle is empty. Thor lets it hit the ground. "It was easy."  
  
"But you've seen him since then." Bucky says, "Surely you've talked about it."  
  
"That would be the sensible thing to do,” Thor smiles wryly, “No. We never talked about it, except once." he looks at Bucky again. "It was some time after I saw you first the time actually."  
  
"Oh?"  
  
"It was after my third win. I was on top of the world and I realized I only wanted to celebrate with one person, so I called him, and I convinced him to come to Monaco." He looks for the whiskey, then remembers it’s empty.  
  
This time Bucky keeps silent. Whatever happened then has scarred Thor deeply. He can read it in the lines of his face, the pained hunch of his shoulders, the raw ache of his voice.  
  
"For three days I held him captive in the Hotel de Paris." Thor whispers. "Doing all the things I had always dreamed of. We never left the suite. We just fucked and I let myself believe it could always be like this. that we could be together. It was the first time I had ever allowed myself to dream of it to even picture it." He looks at the pool. "And then...I woke to find him getting out of the handcuffs."  
  
Bucky makes the slightest movement and Thor sighs. "I told you I was an asshole back. Did you think I was kidding about keeping him captive?"  
  
"Honestly, I wasn't sure." Bucky says. "So he left?"  
  
"Yes. After telling me he never wanted to see me again." Thor halts there.   
  
Bucky knows perfectly well that that wasn't all that was said, but he doesn't want Thor to have to relive this pain any more than he has to.  
  
"He wanted me for that weekend." Thor murmurs. "Afterwards, it was like he had woken from a spell and was disgusted at what was left behind."   
  
Loki had begged for every single thing Thor had done to him. He had laid there and spread his legs, and let himself be restrained and he had begged for more and Thor had given it to him.  
  
And then he had turned to face Thor, and sneered into Thor’s face, "I always knew you were a deviant fuck. Do you ever realize what it would do to our mother to know of this? Do you think I wanted this? That I ever wanted you? If you ever contact me again, I'll tell her."  
  
"Loki you can't just go." Thor had pleaded. “You can’t leave.”  
  
"Watch me." Loki said coldly. He had dressed and gone.   
  
"He used to swim naked in the pool." Thor murmurs. "When we were younger. In the late afternoons. No one was around, but..." he licks his dry lips. "I could see the pool from my room. My bedroom looked out over the back garden."  
  
Bucky thinks about this. "You think he did it on purpose."  
  
Thor snorts. "I know he did. That was the sort of game we played with each other, always teasing, pushing each other past the limits of our bonds, what was acceptable. He learned it from me of course. I started it." There's a depth of pain in his voice that Bucky's never heard before.   
  
"It's not..." He pauses. "I mean, I don't know. maybe it is your fault, maybe it's his, maybe it's both of yours. I guess the point is...you miss him." That's his takeaway here, that whatever fucked up games Thor and his brother, _adopted_, Bucky reminds himself, used to play with each other, there's love there. It's written all over Thor's face.   
  
"Of course I miss him." Thor mutters. "It doesn't matter. He wants nothing to do with me. He's made that abundantly clear." He takes a deep breath, looks around for the bottle again.  
  
Bucky moves to kneel in front of him, right between Thor's legs. He rests a hand on each thigh, gazing up at Thor. "Then he doesn't know what he's missing." He tells him, before leaning in to press his mouth to Thor's groin.  
  
Thor inhales shakily as Bucky nuzzles him. He leans back, bracing his hands against the lounger. Bucky reaches for his zipper, drawing it down. He keeps his eyes on Thor at all times.

  
* * *  


Thor wakes a few hours later. Bucky’s sound asleep beside him. Thor looks at him a moment, but doesn’t touch him. He rises, still dressed and goes downstairs to his car.

Thor gets in his car and just drives. Far out of the city, beyond the lights to the nearest beach. He has a bottle of whiskey in the glove compartment. That will do for now.

He parks right on the beach, probably where you’re not supposed to, and looks out at the dark waves. He grabs the bottle, taking it out and bringing it to his lips.

Carefully, without any preamble, he rips off the bandaid that’s been holding together the wound in his chest. The gap where his heart was ripped open. The place where Loki belongs, and the ghost of him still haunts the gaping chamber of Thor’s heart.

_Loki. _

He closes his eyes and sees a million images of Loki. Loki at ten grinning at him triumphantly over the handlebars of his bike, when he learned to ride it properly. Loki lolling on his back on the blanket at the beach, face lost in sleep. Loki at fourteen, his mouth hovering over Thor’s. It’s just a kiss. Loki at sixteen, his face screwed up in pain as he walks away. Loki caught and held and kissed, until he’s kissing Thor back. Until they’re fumbling their way down upon the bed. Loki gasping, body shaking as Thor eases further inside him.

Thor hasn’t let himself think about that first night in so fucking long. It feels like a hundred years ago. Their parents were in Europe for two weeks and Thor had decided to throw a party. He had a house full of friends, and his current girlfriend, a pretty blonde girl whose name had been something like Anika, or Lisa or something. She had been sweet and sexy and nice, but she wasn’t….

Thor takes another swig of whiskey.

She wasn’t Loki.

Loki at sixteen, slender and clever and sly, but his eyes were so open back then, and the way he looked at Thor, like the whole world was possible. Thor had liked that look, but he had taken it for his due.

They’d all been out in the pool late one night and Thor had stumbled inside to take a piss. He’d gone to the upstairs bathroom for some reason, and pissed, the door open behind him. He leans his head back, closing his eyes. He's pleasantly intoxicated but there was something else missing, something at the back of his mind.

He finishes, washed his hands and turns.

Loki's standing there, leaning in the doorway. “How long is this going to last?”

“What’s the matter?” Thor drawls. “Not having a good time?”

Loki shrugs. “There’s nothing down there for me.” He starts to turn away down the hall.

“I’m down there.” Thor points out. Isn’t he enough?

“You’re busy.” Loki says curtly without looking at him, starting to head down the hall.

“Hey, Loki.” Thor goes after him. “Loki.” He reaches out and clasps Loki’s hand, holding him. “It’s okay. It is.” He isn’t even sure what he's reassuring him about, only that he wants to reassure Loki desperately. He cups Loki's face, smiling at him.

“It’s okay.” He repeats, and then leans in to kiss his forehead and then, without thinking about it, leans down to brush his lips across Loki’s mouth.

There’s a soft sigh against his lips, a sigh of wanting and hope and yearning and Thor responds to it instinctively. He leans in closer, deepening the kiss, as Loki’s hand goes to his shirt, and then Thor’s arms around him and Loki’s holding him tight.

They stumble backwards down the hall, into the bedroom, across Thor’s bed. He doesn’t think about how anyone could walk in on them, how it would look. It doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is that Loki’s here in his arms and it feels so right.

Thor’s kissing him, kissing him all over. He pushes Loki’s shirt up and kisses his chest. Loki’s panting, he’s already hard, Thor can feel him against his thigh and he burns with satisfaction, to know he has that effect on Loki, that he can do this to him.

He wants to give everything to Loki, wants to do everything with him. He reaches a hand between Loki’s leg, stroking him until Loki’s stiffer than a log and gasping. Thor smirks at him, sinking down between his slender thighs. He reaches for the zipper on Loki’s jeans and draws it down.

Loki’s head falls back as Thor reaches for his underwear, pulling them down as well. His cock bobs free and Thor smiles at the sight of it, he slides his hand along the length and then lowers his head. The sound Loki makes in response is most gratifying but not as gratifying as having him inside his mouth. Thor groans around his dick. This is the first time he’s ever done this, and he’s careful, but he’s drunk and he wants so very badly for this to be good. In the end, it’s slopping and messy and he wants to suck Loki’s cock forever.

There are fingers in his hair, tightening their grip and finally he pulls off.

“Thor.” Loki whispers. “Thor please.” He stares up at him with hungry eyes and Thor reaches for him, kissing. His own dick is hard against his stomach and Loki traces his fingertips along the length of him. He reaches for Thor’s swim shorts, shoving them down and Thor kicks them off, now crouched nude in front of Loki.

Loki’s lost in wonder, just gazing at him. Eventually Thor grows uncomfortable with the scrutiny.

“Come on, you’ve seen a dick before. You’ve seen my dick before.”

“Not like this.” Loki murmurs. He reaches again for the head, teasing it, playfully.

Thor groans. “I need...fuck.”

“Do you want me to suck you?” Loki whispers.

Thor shakes his head and the disappointment that fills Loki’s eyes, floods him with regret. “No, that’s…it’s not that I don’t want that.” He takes Loki by the shoulder, holding him so that Loki’s forced to pay attention. ‘It’s just I want…other things more.”

“So go on…” Loki murmurs. “I’m yours.”

Thor gazes at him and then he kisses him, pressing Loki down on the bed. With his other hand he reaches for the lube he hides under his mattress, even though his mother must know he jerks off, he’s nineteen for fucks sake.

He spills some across his fingers and presses one between Loki’s legs. Loki gasps as he pushes his finger inside.

“Tell me if it hurts.” Thor says instantly.

“I want you.” Is all Loki says. “I want you.”

Somehow Thor manages to hold back and prepare him properly. To work him loose enough, and then he finds a condom, and rolls it on.

“I’m not going to get pregnant, you know.” Loki’s dry voice makes him laugh.

“Doesn’t matter.” Thor tells him. “You should always be careful about sex. Remember that.”

“I will.” Loki promises, and then Thor positions himself and gazes down into Loki’s eyes as he presses the tip of himself inside.

Loki bites his lip and struggles not to moan. His body’s tense, but he’s trying to relax.

Thor strokes his shoulder with one hand and then kisses Loki’s mouth, gently, distracting him as he presses further, sliding deeper inside him.

“Gahh, fuck.” Loki pants, staring wildly at him. “You’re so big.”

Thor wants to smirk, to preen, all those things that come with that comment, the things he does with girls, but at Loki’s saying those words, all he can do is blush. “Does it hurt too much?”

“No.” Loki grimaces.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.” Loki reaches for him, wrapping his arms around Thor’s neck. “Come on, fuck me.”

Thor’s cock gives a little throb, pulsing at his words and he obeys his brother’s command. He thrusts deeper and Loki groans and pants, moving with him, his hips moving instinctively to match Thor’s rhythm. He fits so well, his body matching Thor’s perfectly, his body encompassing Thor’s cock like it was meant to be. Thor kisses him until Loki’s lips are reddened and swollen, and then he’s too close, he reaches for Loki’s wrists and lifts them, pinning his arms above his head as he thrusts harder.

“Come for me.” He murmurs. “Come on, Loki, come for me.”

Loki gasps and shoots between them, spilling all over Thor’s belly, and his own, over the sheets, leaving evidence everywhere upon Thor’s bed. His body clenches tightly around Thor’s as he does, and Thor groans, and gasps, and comes, pulsing hotly inside Loki before he slumps down over him.

For a moment they lie there, sweaty and done, their arms around each other, hearts beating in hungry rhythm together, limbs tangled, and then Loki gives a little wince and Thor instantly slips out of him.

He disposes of the condom and then looks at Loki. Loki, lying there, his hair tangled, lips swollen, his whole slender body so still, so young and perfect with his cock. Thor wants to cover his body with his own, to claim it somehow, to say, _this is mine. You are mine. You will always be mine_.

Thor sighs and looks out at the ocean. That night was bad enough. He doesn't let himself think of that weekend. What he told to Bucky was enough dredging up the memories. He doesn't know what's worse, that Loki thinks that weekend was just fun and games to him, or that he truly meant what he said as he fled the hotel room.  
  
He glances out at the ocean again. It's all such a fucking mess. Yet he knows deep down in his heart that if he could go back...if he could go back and be there in that suite again with Loki, he would do his best to make Loki understand how he truly felt.  
  
The sun rises slowly over the waves and he stares at the water, letting the pain ripple away from him.   
  
Loki's here. He's within reach, if only Thor could reach for him. If only he wanted Thor to do so.

* * *

  
  
  
Across the city Loki watches the coming of the sun with hollowed eyes. He's still musing over last night by the pool, whatever Thor and Barnes had talked about after fucking...He wished he could hear them, but all he has is the mute picture, Thor hunched over, Barnes reaching out for him, comforting him.  
  
It's not fair, Loki thinks bitterly. It's never been fair. He looks at the sun and then goes back to the open page before him. The words ran away with him. Later he'll type them up and add them to the manuscript. Tonight, he lets his fingers play over the words, wishing not for the first time that life was as easy to manipulate as a story.  


* * *

  
  
Bucky dives into the water. After that confession, after waking to find Thor not only awake, but gone, he needs something to clear his head.  
  
As he swims the length of the pool he finds himself wondering about Loki. What kind of mindfuck was the guy running here? Or was he just as lost as Thor? Caught up in society's homophobia and rules, and not wanting to admit his feelings for his adopted brother?  
  
Bucky ducks under the water and then shakes the water from his hair. He looks around the pool, the hilly scenery, the huge house, the open blue sky. None of it seems real.  
  
He pulls himself out of the water and goes inside. Ever since moving in a week ago he's been trying to get used to the feeling of being here. On the one hand it's easy. The place is absurdly comfortable. There's always food in the fridge. His bike doesn't take up much space in the garage. Sometimes Bucky doesn't feel like he's taking up much space himself.   
  
He hasn't rented his old place yet. The lease isn't up for a couple months and he's thinking of trying to find someone to sublet it. That's the rational side. The other side is telling him it's good to have a bolt hole to run to if everything becomes too much.   
  
Stevie mews at him and Bucky bends down to pet him. "This isn't our typical venue, is it pal?"   
  
A low mrow answers him as Stevie rubs his head against Bucky's cheek.   
  
"I know, I know, but you could have put the kibosh on this whole deal, if you had just bit him when he picked you up."  
  
"Meoww."  
  
"Yeah," Bucky sighs. "I like him too."   
  
He scratches Stevie's ears and looks out at the view, feeling just a tad _my god, how did I get here?_

  


* * *  


  
  
Across the busy expanse of LA traffic and buildings, Steve Rogers sips the last of his coffee at his desk, while going over his sketches from the night before. They've turned out pretty well, if he does say so himself, and he sets a few aside to touch up before adding to his portfolio.   
  
The last sketch he comes to makes him pause. He's not really sure what made him think of Bucky last night, but something had. He looks at the drawing for a moment. It’s Bucky as he was ten years ago, bright-eyed, open smirk upon his lips, looking back over his shoulder, urging, "Come on, Steve."   
  
Silently he puts the sketch away in the notebook he keeps for these patches of nostalgia. Because, if Steve's honest, he still thinks about Bucky all the time. It doesn't matter how long it's been. Steve will never forget his best friend, pointlessly lost in a pointless war back when they were both too young to know any better.   
  
Steve sighs, rubbing at his beard for a moment before he gets up to make more coffee. The past is the past. He knows that, and he knows he should move on. Most days he thinks he's not doing too badly. But moments like these only serve to remind him, he's never going to be truly over Bucky, no matter how much time passes. Steve will hold him in his memory forever and love him as long as he draws breath.  
  



End file.
